BRAVE

This year I was encouraged by a friend to name my year.  I've read of other people using this practice.  Last year I even prayed to be "gloriously ruined". WOW!  That's another post.  As you can see it was a loaded year.  I only blogged once.  So...on to THIS post.

BRAVE.  Here's my 2015 Theme Song.  I'm going to be brave, not because I have the strength to do so, but because of the Spirit that lives within me.  Why brave?  Why not peace?  I sure could use some peace.  For those of you that might be new to my blog or even a friend that needs a refresher...I'm a wife to Nathan (almost 20 years), mother to Joseph (13), Jesse (10), JoyAnn (10), Jonathan (5) and James (5).  Yes you read correctly...five kids and two sets of twins.  There are lots of things that you didn't read in those last sentences.  Things that can't be described in words or would take many blog entries.  Depression, anxiety, autism, fear, joy, chaos, struggle, change.....all just in those last sentences.  So...peace would have been a GREAT word.  What about joy, love, change, or happiness?  All wonderful words.  My word though is BRAVE. 

Being brave is so much more than conquering a fear such as heights, the dark or public speaking. Being brave involves asking for help, being vulnerable, having a teachable spirit and learning even at 40.  Bravery is letting go of the the hold that the past has had and stepping into a glorious future even though the way hasn't been revealed.  This past Sunday we sang It is Well by Bethel (if you haven't listened to it you should) and my friend Amy sang lead.  I shared about the importance of this song to me back in October of last year.  Here is the post from my FB page.  

There's a day coming....soon when my heart and flesh will boldly be able to stand and sing "It is Well". This song has been spreading around FB. I heard it weeks ago and I couldn't stop listening. JoyAnn even asked me if I was o.k. No, that day is not today. However, when this songbird finds her new song it will be stronger, sweeter, deeper and more passionate than before. Grateful...so grateful for purposeful, pruning, powerful pain that is urging me on to seek more of Jesus. Even if it's in my bathroom.....I will sing this someday as a a sacrifice of praise, proclaiming the healing of my shattered soul, broken heart and wounded mind. This song is worth the wait!!!  

As we sang this song, and I shared in the passion by adding a high harmony, I was moved to tears.  A friend of mine sent me this message the next day...."Yesterday during worship you lead with your heart. I could see each word loving on your heart. I don't know what you're going through. But it was beautiful. I wanted to find you after church and say hello and give you a hug. I'm sorry I didn't find you. But thank you for being authentic in your worship."

Standing there on stage and allowing myself to be vulnerable was my brave.  To sing with all of my heart, soul and voice as my faith family held me up with their prayers and my own family sat in the congregation carrying weights and burdens of their own, I was brave.  

Brave means not being fake, false or disengaged.  Brave is facing pride, false belief, fear, depression, stinking thinking and unmet expectation and rebuilding a life on the TRUTH.  Brave is continuing to work towards change even when you don't see or feel results.  Brave is believing the best and hoping for the best even when there is no evidence this is possible.  Brave is walking every step by faith, literally taking every breath in hope and expectation that you are being HELD by something, someone greater than you.  Brave is living life fully, without regret and being willing to fail, to try, to be detoured and directed down a different path.  

This is my prayer for 2015.  So much change.  So much new, but it's all so exciting.  Really it is and I can't wait to share this year with you.  Thanks as always for reading.  Leave some love and let me know what's going on in your life.  Perhaps you would come along and name YOUR year???  

~Learning to be BRAVE......

Janelle

True Connection

So I have given up Facebook for the Lenten season.  I must admit that it sounds more simiple than it is.  It might even sound a little vain or silly to some.  However, for me it is a REAL sacrifice.  I don't use social media to network for jobs or to jockey for position.  I don't use it to meet people or to "hook up" as some people might.  I don't even use it to further my own agenda, promote myself or my "causes".  I use it to connect. 

I am a stay at home mom who home educates her older three and is currently potty training her two, two-year olds.  Even though I am not "talking" to these people I feel connected to them.  It also gives me a venue to be heard, validated and respected.  At least that's what  I FEEL is happening through my posts/communique on FB.  I must admit that I use it to see what people are doing in their lives.  Quite often I just "lurk" or "stalk" people.  I have placed to much value and enjoyment on finding out what other people are doing, thinking, experiencing.  It was as if I found my identity in living through these other people.  Seeing that I had received a message or a comment made me smile.  I was almost giddy.  Since I got my Android powered phone (Christmas 2010) I would check FB probably 20 times a day. 

So after I got over the initial shock of not being on FB constantly I have actually learned to like it.  I must admit that last night I got onto FB to check my messages because my sis-in-law was diagnosed with cancer last week and I knew that my brother was using FB as a venue to update everyone on her condition/surgery results etc.  I also had received an email from a friend that said she sent me a FB message.  So I checked it briefly but myself on "offline" status so I wouldn't be tempted to chat with people.  I also checked my page because someone had said they left some info for me there.  The entire deal lasted less than five minutes.  It was NICE.

I am prayerfully considering giving up FB alltogether.  I want connection, don't ge me WRONG.  I crave connection.  However, I'm finding it other ways these days.  I started a new exercise class on Wednesday nights.  It is small, but has some godly women that I am enjoying getting to commune with.  I am calling people more often.  I'm texting and sending emails.  I'm blogging again...YEAH.  I actually have written letters and helped my children write letters and thank you cards.  Since Ash Wednesday we've memorized a portion of Scripture that has challenged us all.  Face to face coffee talks with my husband at 5:30 am have left my heart filled and my "love tank" overflowing.  I've communed with God and myself as I have walked/hiked and run the trails in Montreat.  The quiet has touched me deeply.  Taking the time to write in my journal has forced me to view my life through the lens of reality and personal reflection, perception and honesty.  These past few days have been filled with integrity, honesty, connection and I've LOVED it!!!  I've had lunch with friends, dates with my husband, times of prayer and sharing.  It's been glorious.  As I've studied God's Word (specifically Hebrews 11) I've shared honestly with my Bible study/LIFE group.  What a joy to be connected to those people. 

Although Lent is a time of somber introspection and "giving up" things I feel as if I've gained MUCH more than I've given away.  I'm so blessed.