Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Welcome to 2014

As you can tell I haven't posted recently.  2013 was a very different and challenging year for me personally and for our family.  Although I won't hash through details or events I'm sure experiences that have happened in the last nine months have shaped me, and therefore I'm sure they will pop up in my writing in the next few weeks and months.

I can tell you that I have missed writing desperately.  I am simply going to have to make the time to get my thoughts out via word.  Whether it be journaling or if the thoughts make it onto this blog, it honestly doesn't matter.  There simply has to be an outlet.  The water of life is rising and my nose is barely above it.  Drowning is not an option and writing is a life preserver that will help me stay afloat.  Prayerfully the words that I pen are a blessing to someone.  Perhaps someday my children will read them, but nonetheless these words are helpful to me.  Therefore, I will continue to allow my thoughts no matter how insignificant be placed into words and I will use the gift of writing to continue to grow as a person and to experience movement in this journey of life. 

Perhaps I will write an entry soon about my game plan for this year.  Today I will talk about a phrase that I heard recently that stuck with me.  I can't get it out of my mind and it resonated so loudly within my heart that I am prayerfully making it my "phrase" for the year.  Two words....GLORIOUSLY RUINED.  I want my life to be ruined, destroyed by my maker and rebuilt into something glorious, useful for the kingdom and more colorful, brilliant and pleasing than the broken down insane chaos I've lived in for the last year. 

There will be a day when I am able to write well.  To truly put my deepest thoughts, feelings and musings into the form and prose that I desire but until that day...I'm honing my craft.  However, this holy unsettling, this glorious ruin that I so long for was beautifully and accurately captured in a poem by Lysa TerKeurst in January of 2009.  Read it today and substitute 2014.  I want to share it with you.  I have shared it on this blog before, but I pray that the more we read it, that it's roots will grow deep into our hearts.  May this be my prayer for this year Lord. 


Unsettle me.
These are the two words rattling about in my brain today. I almost wish it was a more glamorous prayer. Surely more eloquent words could be found for what I’m feeling led to pursue during this new year.
But these are the words- this is the prayer for my 2009.
The funny thing is I’ve spent my whole existence trying to find a place to settle down. People to settle down with. And a spirit about me worthy of all this settled down-ness.
All of this is good. A contented heart, thankful for its blessings is a good way to settle.
But there are areas of my life that have also settled that mock my desires to be godly woman. Compromises if you will.

Attitudes that I’ve wrapped in the lie, “Well, that’s just how I am. And if that’s all the bad that’s in me, I’m doing pretty good.”
I dare you, dear soul of mine, to notice the stark evidence of a spirit that is tainted and a heart that must be placed under the microscope of God’s word.
Yes, indeed, unsettle me Lord.
Unearth that remnant of unforgiveness.
Shake loose that justification for compromise.
Reveal that broken shard of pride.
Expose that tendency to distrust.
Unsettle me in the best kind of way. For when I allow your touch to reach the deepest parts of me- dark and dingy and hidden away too long- suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul.
I can delight in forgiveness and love more deeply.
I can discover my gentle responses and find softer ways for my words to land.
I can recognize the beauty of humility and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes.
I can rest assured though harsh winds blow, I will be held.
Goodbye to my remnants, my justification, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am- nor who I was created to be.
Goodbye to shallow love, sharp words, self focus, and suspicious fears. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or distructions.
Welcome deeper love, softer words, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty I am held.
Welcome my unsettled heart.
Welcome 2009.