Saturday, June 11, 2011

Thomas and Sarah JOHNSON

Today I had the privilege of serving alongside a team of godly musicians in blessing the union of Sarah Paquette to Thomas Johnson.  Words really cannot express the beauty of Christ's love as displayed in this young couple.  It isn't Thomas and Sarah.  Although they are fabulously wonderful.  It is JESUS pure and simple.  What I experienced last night at the rehearsal dinner is merely a glimpse of what heaven will be like. Yes I do think there will be 12 Bones and banana pudding in heaven (hee hee).

Thomas has lovingly, gently yet passionately pursued his bride Sarah while protecting her, loving her, serving her EXACTLY as Christ has pursued us his church.  The miracle at Cana was REAL and the miracle that He performed last night amongst His people was every bit as real and tangible.  Just as Thomas presented Sarah to the congregation pure and spotless, Christ presents us to God that way.  Very rarely do you hear of couples who have remained pure and celebate during a six year courtship.  I am so proud of them, happy for them and EXCITED as they experience the mystery of God's union for them and through them.  What a glorious celebration today was for us ALL.

I have had the pleasure of serving in AMAZING weddings.  Too many to name.  Couples whose love caused Nathan and I to pause for a moment and reflect on God's faithfulness to us as a family.  Then there are the weddings where the music is just fun and I'm caught up in that also.  There are the weddings unfortunately where I do my best to bring Christ into the ceremony through my gifts, but pray for the couple not sure as to their spiritual condition or the certainty of their commitment to each other.  Today was so peaceful.  There was no fear, no doubt, no wondering.....only joy, peace and the presence of Christ.  His Holy Spirit guided them to each other and will continue to guide them into their happily ever after. 

The ceremony was wonderful.  The reception was FUN!!!  I danced with my son Joseph until our feet hurt.  Jesse and JoyAnn even got in on the action.  The company was wonderful.  The food delicious and the joy was contagious.  I am grateful to have shared in today.

Here is a song by Brooke Fraser Ligertwood that to me represents Thomas and Sarah's love.  I hope you enjoy. 

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Back in the Saddle

So I will be sharing my testimony with the Mtn. View CR group on July 12th.  Things have changed dramatically in the last three years.  I am excited to share God's story through me.  Also Nathan and I are considering returning to CR as participants.  Exciting stuff....

In August Nathan and I hope to attend a Precept leader training.  We both have a hunger to know the Word and to be able to teach it to our children and others that desire to know God more intimately.  This is really exciting.  I believe it to be a step towards our ultimate calling in Christ. 

Just wanted to jot these things down.  Will write more when I can.

Friday, June 3, 2011


So today I've literally felt haunted by memories.  Haunted by pictures, dreams and verbal reminders of past failures and disappointments.  I had a series of disturbing dreams last night featuring people from my past.  I was unloving toward my children today and found myself yelling more than I should.  Joseph randomly reminded me, in specific detail, of an episode where I had "blown it" as a parent.  I did not do something very important that Nathan asked me to, and I wasn't as careful with Jonathan as I should have been while getting him dressed for bed and he slipped and hurt his chin. 

I feel condemned.  I feel haunted and unable to shake this feeling of not being what I should be/could be or was meant to be.  My mind plays tricks on me.  Feelings dominate me.  The struggle to separate reality and emotion is real tonight.  Expectations have been set and grossly missed by me and I have been let down by far too many people.  The scales have tipped in the wrong direction and tonight it feels hopeless to ever set them back in balance.  Forgiveness is a powerful thing.  Oh how I need the Spirit's strength to allow Christ to forgive through me.  I wish I didn't have these memories.  My mind begs me to focus on the positive.  Why is it that the scum always rises to the top of the pond?  Can't I remember happy days? 

Tired of being afraid.  Tired of looking over my shoulder.  Desperately wanting to be FREE from this weight.  Such depth of pain.  An intense amount of sadness.  A feeling of loss for what was and what will never be.

I feel as if the ghost of my past and the unmet expectations of my life will ever be present.  I pray that I can reconcile them someday. 

Thursday, June 2, 2011

"If You Seek Me You Will Find Me"

So I want to be more intentional about my faith.  I want to SEEK God with all that I am and all that I have.  I want to be aware of His presence, calling and glory in my life.  I want my faith to be evident, open, transparent, real and accessible mainly to my family and then to others I might encounter.  Today I felt God's gracious Holy Spirit lead me to invite my children to walk down the road with me and take popsicles to the workers who were digging utility trenches on our street.  It was a pleasure to serve them and to say thank you to them.  The kids were genuinely excited about our adventure. 

I want to be drawn nearer to Him through His Word, through fellowship, through service, through worship and through silence.  My heart is heavy and sometimes my body almot aches with desire to really know Him, to encounter Him to become a "friend of God".  So my heart's cry today is best displayed though Meredith Andrew's "Draw Me Nearer".  I hope you enjoy and are blessed. 

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

We Interupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program

So today I had an interruption, a surprise, an unscheduled event.  At first I was not altogether happy about it.  I had my plans, my agenda, my desires.  However, I am SOOOO grateful that God saw fit in His timing to allow we to have a restful, peaceful moment.  I had the pleasure (and I truly mean that) of taking my Papa to lunch today at J&S cafeteria.  As we sat and ate together I listened to him speak of his favorite baseball team.  He talked about how Chipper Jones was his favorite player.  He ate his country style steak, but wished he had gotten the ham.  He worried about the amount of gas in his tank, and wished his daughter (my mom) was feeling better.  He complained that they didn't have more stalls in the bathroom and thanked me at least ten times for taking him.  He wouldn't let me pay.  He told me of how he sat with my brother in the living room while he was having a seizure (Tyler asked him to do that and he was glad to do so).  Papa talked about his remaining family members.  He made me circle the building to find the right parking place.  He struggled with his oxygen.  He was strong and fragile all at the same time.  He was alive yet tired.  He was gracious, kind and handsome.  He was a wonderful "date" and I am so glad that I got to sit across the table from him at least once more.  I pray we have another date SOON!!!