Saturday, March 21, 2009


So I barely have time to blog today because I am packing like CRAZY for a surprise, blessing. Nathan and I check into our motel on Ocracoke Island tomorrow for 4 nights!!! YEAH! Long story as to how this was given to us, but I can't post it now. Pray for safety. Pray for peace. Pray for protection for us AND for our children and the people who care for them while we are gone. Here's to a blessed time of serenity with my man!!!

I love you all,


Thursday, March 19, 2009

Birthday Celebrations

So I am enjoying the last few moments of my birthday. Unfortunately they are being spent at work. However, it just is what it is. People have been loving on me since Tuesday. I was surprised with a "sweet" gift from my friend Wendy. Today has been a blessed day. I spent time in God's word with friends and a red velvet cake (thanks Jen). I had a free luncheon from Asiana (YEAH SUSHI). My kids were blessed to have played at the lake with Sarah. I even treated myself to a lemonade from Chick-Fil-A. I was hugged by three amazing children. Was able to hug my grieving Papa (today would have been 64 years of wedded bliss for he and Nannie)and kissed my husband before heading out the door. I am not complaining, praise God I have a job.

Tomorrow will be filled with more celebration for myself and early festivities for Jesse and JoyAnn. I will try and keep everyone updated and post some pics as I can. For those of you who prayed for me and sent well wishes I say thank you with gratitude and humbleness.

I praise the Lord for 33 years. Jesus didn't get to have a 34th year here on earth. I am blessed with something even He didn't get to have. I pray I don't waste it!

Love you all,


Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Right now I am in a time of waiting. Waiting on God's next move. Nathan works his last day at the Cove tomorrow. We are not sad, angry or bitter about his layoff. We really see it as a gentle nudge from our Heavenly Father to move Nathan onto the next chapter of his life. However, up to this point there hasn't been anything concrete "pan out" for his (Nathan's) next move. So in the meantime we are going to enjoy being a family, spending sometime with daddy and just waiting on the Lord.

Waiting is hard for me. I don't like change, but if change is going to occur I really like to know the next step in the process. The unknown is hard for me to grasp.

It has often been said that "God is seldom early, but he is never LATE". I am finding this to be SOOOOOO true in my life. We are waiting to discover the outcomes of SO many different areas of our life. Some of these are trivial and some are very ominous. Yet, I hear the clock ticking inside my own soul. I struggle with anxiety. Oh how I wish I could synchronize my clock with God's. I wish I could just rest and relax in the waiting.

I have been praying lately for a heart that trusts. I think that is the core, basic issue. I don't trust that God will do what He says He will. I don't trust His timing is perfect. I don't trust that He is in control of EVERY detail of my life. It is sin, and I repent here before God and all of my friends. I desire to trust more completely, and to trust without any expectations.

I remember being a kid and waiting for something to happen. It wasn't anxiety I felt, but a sense of excitement so real that sometimes it made me sick. You know the feeling...the night before a big trip or a party. The butterflies in your stomach, the sweaty palms. It was shear excitement. What about making paper chains to count down the days until Christmas. Marking days off on the calendar. Knowing Spring break was right around the corner, or your grandparents were coming to visit. I want that kind of excitement back in my life. I want to wait with such expectancy on the Lord, that my heart leaps with joy to see WHATEVER He has planned for me. I desire to live completely in the moment. Not dwelling in the past, or looking to the future to be the "right" moment.

Pray for me and my the waiting!!!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

34 Wishes....

So I'm turning 34 on Thursday. Normally I don't celebrate my birthday, but this year I am going to do so in style. No I don't mean at the spa or party. I mean I am going to celebrate LIFE. I am making 34 wishes for myself. Dreams, goals and plans for this next year. Some of these may seem trivial, but they are ALL important to me. I just wanted to share with you all because I NEED ACCOUNTABILITY!!! These are not in ANY particular order.

"Wish List"
1. Complete one scrapbook
2. Read a book a month
3. Make sure to spend some time outdoors EVERYDAY
4. Practice my flute at least once/week
5. Remember that sweatpants are for the gym or sleeping. They do not constitute a fashion
6. Send a handwritten letter to a friend/family member each month
7. Take a sewing class or be trained by a family member/friend
8. Eat at home with my family, at the table, a HOME cooked meal at least three nights a week
9. Memorize a Scripture a week
10. Journal/Blog at least 3X/week
11. Lose 20 pounds minimum before 3/19/10
12. Stop drinking soft drinks
13. Make my bed daily
14. Go hiking (I've only been once in my life)
15. Get my flute repaired
16. Have a Girls Night Out at least every other month
17. Have a Date Night with my husband every other WEEK
18. Spend a day alone every month (and learn to like it)
19. Say "thank you" to someone EVERYDAY
20. Sing more often
21. Take a yoga class
22. Go dancing with Nathan at least once
23. Don't say "I'm sorry" for things that ARE NOT my repsonsibility
24. Record a CD with my Dad
25. Get a physical and actually do what my Doc
26. See the ocean
27. See my niece and nephews more often
28. Make my will
29. Pay off our credit card
30. "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger"...
31. Become a little more comfortable "in my own skin"
32. Learn, live, laugh and love
33. Try something new, bold and daring (not like changing my peanut butter
34. Live the Serenity Prayer!!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

To My Son Joseph

Today was one of those days.

I don't know how to love you adequately. I don't have enough patience, insight and wisdom to love you properly. I am frustrated. My heart pains at your dilemma to try and communicate "properly" in this crazy, fast-paced mixed up world of ours. You don't really live in this world though. Quite often I watch you as you are somewhere else. I wonder what you think of, and whom you talk to in your deepest thoughts. What are your dreams? Will they come true?

My dreams for you. I am embarassed and ashamed to say that honestly most of my dreams for you are tainted. I struggle with pride and expectations. I want so much for you, but I want so much for me too. My unmet expectations often fall on the cusp of resentment. How harsh that must sound. I am not resentful to be your mother. I am resentful that I have too high expectations for you. I am sad that I have expectations AT ALL. I wish that I could just LOVE you. Unconditionally, completely, all the time!!!

Forgive me for not being able to understand you. I have pushed you to be something you are not and were never created to be my son. I have been harsh and cruel. I haven't always been gentle and loving. I pray that due to my ignorance, pain and sadness I haven't broken the very Spirit that lives within you.

You are God's best for me Joseph. You are not a plan B. You were designed by the Master. That includes autism, sensory issues, and severe speech delays. Forgive me for hanging onto the past, a dream of what "could have" or what "should have" been. You are mine, and I vow from this day on to love you more deeply, more patiently, more intently.

I pray that I can somehow communicate to you my love, but more importantly God's love. The most important thing in this world is to know Jesus. If I can show you Jesus, than I haven't failed you.

You are in your bedroom right now crying yourself to sleep. It's been that kind of day. You are striving within your own head and heart to justify, rationalize and understand what is happening. I have blown it today. You have blown it today. But praise God that tomorrow morning His mercies are NEW!!! Let's enjoy our new day, and the one to follow, and the next, and the next.....

You are my #1 and forever will be my chocolate-eyed boy.

Your mother
A Poem Written for You in 2006

Oh my precious little man
How can I help you understand
That Jesus feels your pain and fear
And that His love is always near

It sems that you have much to say
Oh that I could find a way
To help you let your joy shine through
So all the word could learn from you

Dark chocolate eyes that shine with wonder
Yet deep inside a distant thunder
Rumblings of a deeper kind
Oh how I long to ease your mind

Sometimes in life things will be tough
And being you will seem so rough
And yet the forming of your life takes place
In the valley of God's grace

My little man I wish I knew
What our great God has in store for you
But I know for sure His plan are good
And things are happening as they should

A time of molding, breaking, bending
Forming, healing, sculpting, mending
To shape you into the kind of boy
That shares with others a heavenly joy

They want to put on you a label
And yet I know that they're not able
To explain what's deep inside of you
The gentle spirit sweet and true

A love that's deeper than most will know
A kindness few will ever show
Dreams so grand and full of fun
You are my precious firstborn son

And though my spirit is tired and broken
No words of regret will ever be spoken
For you are precious, a gift from above
Sent to me as a display of God's love!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


I'm sick...

The kids are sick...

Pray for us!!!!

Hope to get back to blogging SOON.



Sunday, March 8, 2009

Spring Forward

Losing an hour of sleep wasn't so fun. Espeically when I have been sick this week AND I have two with fevers. However, I am excited about springing forward into a new season.

So here's my new haircut. Everybody said I needed something "fun and sassy". Now I'm not sure that this haricut qualifies as such, but hey it is a change. That's good for me. HAHAHA!

I am looking forward to Spring. Today has been beautiful. I am getting ready to turn 34 on March 19th. Nathan asked me today what I would like to do for MY birthday. I honestly didn't know how to respond. I don't EVER get to do things for myself. I am hoping that maybe this new birthday year will hold some changes for myself. I am truly hoping to take better care of myself in ALL areas of my life.

I want to be fun and sassy. I want to be spontaneous. I want to be ALIVE!!! So here's to change. Maybe this new do will just be the start. Have a blessed day.