Tuesday, July 31, 2007

It's My Time to Play

Ever feel like you are a bench warmer? Like the game of life is going on and you are waiting for the chance to play? Maybe I haven't been able to play in the game because I've been too busy holding onto things from the past. Maybe I haven't been "called into the game" because I still have had some lessons to learn on this bench. My God is gracious and I know now that he has more in store for me. He wants me to play this game and to enjoy it. He has given me wonderful team mates and a great court to play on. I need to lay some stuff down so that I can pick up the ball and take my shot!

Here's a song by Jaci V. called "Lay it Down". It has ministered to me..Hope you enjoy it and here's to playing the game with gusto.

"Lay it Down"

I’ve been looking ‘til my eyes are tired of looking
Listening ‘til my ears are numb from listening
Praying ‘til my knees are sore from kneeling
On the bedroom floor

I know that You know that my heart is aching
I’m running out of tears and my will is breaking
I don’t think that I can carry
The burden of it anymore

All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are slowly slipping through my folded hands

Chorus
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it down

I’ve been walking through this world like I’m barely living
Buried in the doubt of this hole I’ve been digging
But You’re pulling me out and I’m finally breathing
In the open air

This room may be dark but I’m finally seeing
There’s a new ray of hope and now I’m believing
That the past is the past and the future’s beginning to look brighter now

‘Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

Chorus
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it down

Random Shots of My Kids (2006)







Sorry these are old. I don't own a digital camera. These were taken either at Mimi's house (Nathan's mom)last year, or at Stephania and Darrel's wedding (July of '06). I will try and get some more recent pics soon. Just thought you might enjoy.

Janelle

Saturday, July 28, 2007

A Fork in the Road

When you come to a fork in the road which path will you take? Both roads look promising, yet both are unknown. Where will you end up? How will you get there? Will the destination be what you dreamed?

I am choosing a path in my life right now. I am choosing to love Nathan and stay married to him (even though it ISN'T easy). I am choosing to be a stay at home mom. I am choosing to work on my recovery of hurts, habits and hangups from the past. I am choosing to learn to love those in my life unconditionally while sharing my opinions. I am working on boundaries. I am choosing a path.

Is it the right one? Will I be pleased? Is this the easier road? Who knows really, except the Lord. There are things I would like to address while traveling this new journey, this new path. But overall, today's an "up" day!

Why am I writing this? Well, Nathan and I have been having a HARD time recently. Some choices HAD to be made. Should I go back to work? Should Nathan quit his job at the Cove (which he did..see previous blog)? Should we put the kids in preschool/school? What's going to happen with our marriage? Is this all really worth it? What will happen with Joseph? So through prayer and discussion choices have been made. I am working at loving Nathan. I am committed to spending time with him before he leaves on August 18th. I am choosing to love him and look for the good in him, while trying my best to forget the negatives. I am trying to look for the hope in Joseph's situation. I am doing my best with the house but realeasing the fact that it will never be as clean as I wish (at least not for YEARS)! I am praying to be fulfilled with what I have and learn true contentment. I am praying...that's the key. Lamentations 3:40 "Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the Lord"

That's the key, back to basics. The road (whichever one you choose) will be easier traveled with prayer. I am going back to what I know. A relationship with the Lord. He is making the rest clear as hand in hand we walk the crooked path I've chosen. The beautiful part of it all though is it's really the path HE'S chosen. My God is a sovereign God! Everything that happens to me has been "father-filtered". I am so blessed in resting in his majesty, his grace, his love and his SOVEREIGNTY!!! To quote Dr. Billy Graham "It's about time that we are putting less confindence in ourselves and more trust and faith in God". It seems as though when I truly examine myself all I see is myself. I should be seeing more of God then me! Oh I long for the day when the "beautiful stuff" within my cup is more him then just my "good deeds".

Forks in the road really aren't obstacles. They really aren't tests. They are merely opportunities to draw you closer to the one who made you! Thank you Lord for my fork in the road!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

"Are We There Yet?"

When I was a kid we traveled quite frequently. We moved often as a military family. This "question" was asked by myself and my older brothers quite often. I find myself still asking that question but this time it's to God and not my parents!!! "God am I there yet?" This journey I'm on of discovery, recovery and approaching wholeness and freedom in You ISN'T easy. Facing myself and taking responsibility for my actions is the hardest thing I've ever done. I must also accept and offer forgiveness for situations I thought were over. Denial has a nice way of making us feel comfortable doesn't it?

Celebrate Recovery, that's the name of the ministry that Nathan and I have been participating in for two years. It is a program developed by John Baker and Rick Warren (the author of the Purpose Driven Life). This program has been successful at Saddleback Community Church in California for 10+ years. It is now worldwide!!! This program is based on the 12 steps (as in AA/NA, etc.) and the 8 recovery principles (the beatitudes). It is an amazing thing and I'm so grateful I am a participant! Check out http://celebraterecovery.com/ if interested.


This program invloves setting boundaries with my family, my parents, my husband, and my friends. The 12 steps also involve giving and receiving forgiveness, learning to see myself as God sees me, accepting my past and moving on with my life. All of these are things I'm working on right now! It's tough and I'm ready to be there God! You know the exciting thing is I know what's coming! Being with you in heaven will be the greatest gift of all! I want to be there! Keep being patient with me God as I keep trucking along on the "road to recovery".

So, NO I'm not there yet, but I am a little closer. I'm drawing nearer to the Lord everyday and am a little closer to freedom, to oneness, to being whole.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Life is a Highway!



So Joseph loves this song from "Cars". He just sings and sings it and it really is the cutest thing (well maybe besides Jesse and JoyAnn playing uncle Tyler's Wii)!!!

Well the Flint family is going to be making a move down the highway. We are ready for a change. God is definitely up to something in the Flint family. We've never even considered a changes until recently. We honestly have not even been open to what God has TRULY in mind for us. We have said we would go and do whatever He has determined for our family. Personally speaking that meant "within reason, or certain peramiters." What a selfish, sinful attitude to have had. How dare I presuppose what God's best is for me or my family.

So God is calling us to something new. An attitude change, a move of the heart, a surrendering of OUR plans. It's a good place to be right now, a little scary but a good place to be nonetheless.

Nathan will be giving notice at the Cove shortly and will be taking a position with Schneider National as a truck driver. What a change, what a SACRIFICE it will be for our family. Yet we firnly believe what Hebrews 10:23 says "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." God is faithful is leading us down a new highway. This isn't going to be easy. It isn't suposed to be easy. It is SACRIFICE.

Please pray for us as we journey through this together. Nathan will be starting his school on August the 18th in Charlotte, NC. He will be gone for 21 days then home for two. He will then start his 2 weeks on and two days home. This is what our schedule will be like for a year. WOW! Big changes for the Flints huh?

Thank you for your support. We will need it especially me and the kids. I don't do change. I don't do "alone" very well. Yes I am a selfish, co-dependent who needs people WAY too much. I am struggling but I will adjust. It will be good. It will be GREAT because it's GOD'S best for us. Even though I will be staying here in Black Mountain it will be a move for me. A stretch, a change, a journey.

So...here's to checking out the scenery.

Expectantly,

Janelle

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Stormy Weather



I Peter 1:6-7 "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for alittle while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Seems like life has been a little stormy lately. Maybe the storm just left your area? Maybe it's headed your way? Which ever place you are in the fact of the matter is WE HAVE ALL EXPERIENCED storms in our lives. Here's a great song to encourage us all!! It's by Casting Crowns...hope you enjoy it!

Praise You in the Storm
I was sure by now, God You would have reached down and wiped our tears away.
Stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining.
As the thunder rollsI barely hear You whisper through the rain. "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls. I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

Chorus:
I'll praise You in this storm. And I will lift my hands.
For You are who You are. No matter where I am.
Every tear I've cried. You hold in Your hand.
You never left my side, and though my heart is torn.
I will praise You in this storm.

I remember whenI stumbled in the wind.
You heard my cry You raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone. How can I carry on?
If I can't find You. As the thunder rolls.
I barely hear You whisper through the rain. "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls. I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

(Chorus)

I lift my eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord. The Maker of Heaven and Earth (Repeat)

(Repeat Chorus)

This band has some FANTASTIC stuff. Their sense of uncompromised personal holiness and their challenge to the church to arise and show God for who He is astounds me. I am encouraged, challenged, uplifted and changed everytime I listen to their stuff. Not to mentiont they ROCK in concert (thanks again Charlie and Beth). Why don't you check them out at http://castingcrowns.com/ Their latest project is going to be released 8/28/07 and is entitled The Altar and the Door.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Kyrie Eleison

So..today is one of those days where I wonder why I'm even here! I know that God has some purpose for me. No, I haven't finished the "Purpose Driven Life" (I'm embarassed to say), but I still know that God has some reason for me to be here! However, I just feel like I'm taking up space. Like I'm breathing someone elses air. What good am I doing? I'm not using the degree I will be paying for until I'm like 59!! I just clean up messes and stop fights all day. I don't even cook real meals. If it doesn't come out of a bag or a box you usually don't find it at my house!! .
Blah, blah, blah...I know what a WHINER. I have a good life. I am blessed to stay home with my kids. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me. I am blessed to still be married. I'm blessed to live in NC. So..what's your stinkin deal you ask? Who knows honestly... I just lately have been feeling like there is so much more I was meant to be in life. There seems to be so much more I could do, so much more I could be, so much more left undiscovered. I just want to live life to the fullest. Really I don't want to be rich, I don't want to be a princess. I don't want to be famous. I don't want to live in a castle or drive a really expensive car. I just want to ENJOY life. I want to live it to the fullest. I want to experience ALL that I was created to be, to have, to love, to live. Is that too much to ask?
Here is an old song from the 80's (go figure) by Mr. Mister. It has been recently remade by March Schultz and we have played it on 106.9 WMIT. Thought is was appropriate..



Kyrie Eleison...
The wind blows hard against this mountainside.

Across the sea into my soul.
It reaches in to where I cannot hide.
Setting my feet upon the road.
My heart is old it holds my memories.
This heart it burns a gem like flame.
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine.
Is where I find myself again


Chorus:
Kyrie Eleison down the road that I must travel.
Kyrie Eleison through the darkness of the night.
Kyrie Eleison where I'm going will you follow?
Kyrie Eleison on a highway in the light.


When I was young I dreamed of growing old.
Of what my life would mean to me.
Would I have traveled down my chosen road?

Or only wish that I could be....


(Repeat Chorus)


I don't wanna look back at my life and say..what was that. I don't wanna look back and say "I'm sorry God that I didn't do what you called me to do" or that "I ask you to forgive me for wasting my life".
So, how do you live in the moment? How do you embrace life for all that it is? So..here I stand..waiting

Friday, July 13, 2007

One Word

This is a silly "survey" thingy that we all get but it was sorta interesting.

I thought you might like to get to know me a little better and to see that I really CAN say only one word. I know that is AMAZING!!!

I stole this one from my friend, Shannon.

Enjoy and steal it for yourself if you want...


One Word Game
Answer the following using only one word..........
Yourself: charisma
Your Husband/Wife: honest
Your Hair: graying
Your Mother: brave
Your Father: hilarious
Your Favorite Item: ring
Your Dream Last Night: complex
Your Favorite Drink: water
Your Dream Home: cabin
The Room You Are In: studio
Your Pets: none
Your Car: big
What You Are Now: sleepy
Who You Want to be in Ten Years: me
What You Want to be in Ten Years: content
What You're Not: thin
Your Best Friend: steadfast
One of Your Wishlist Items: vacation
Your Gender: Female
Your Heart: full
Your Dream: healing
The Last Thing You Did: dishes
What You Are Wearing: casual
Your kind of painting: peaceful
Your Favorite Weather: mild
Your Favorite Book: lots
The Last Thing You Ate: dinner
Your Life: challenging
Your Mood: indifferent
Favorite article of clothing: jeans
Favorite color: purple
School: liked
Song: changes


Now, Can you name one word that best describes me?

Pieces of My Heart

I was spurred on to blog after reading a post on a forum that I participate in for alumni of my high school. It dealt with an apology someone gave for an event that happened a year ago. It greatly affected (or is it effected I'm not good at grammar) both of them. The odd part to me was not the apology, nor even the way it was done. What struck me was the comment " you deserve the piece of my heart you still have". That got me to thinking...Who has pieces of my heart?

I guess what I'm trying to say is...if I've given pieces of my heart away to people then how much do I have left for God? For my husband? For my kids? For my friends? Is having a "divided heart" a good thing? Don't get me wrong. I think it's important to share openly, honestly, authentically with those you are in relationship with in this life. I'm not saying that you shouldn't invest yourself in a relationship. I guess what I'm saying is..be careful whom you give your heart to and how much you invest in a relationship. (I'm preaching to myself. Mainly just thinking out loud).

I just want to be real, authentic and open with myself. I want to live in the moment. I want to give all that I am and all that I have to my Lord and to my love! I am blessed to have Nathan and my children. I am blessed to have the friends in my life that I have. I don't want to think about the coulda, shoulda, wouldas anymore. I want to leave those pieces of my heart (those gifts) where they belong. With those people. If I've given it away then it's not mine any longer, huh?

I don't regret sharing my heart with anyone. I just regret feeling like once I've shared a part of me, if that part is lost, it's really lost. Love is never really lost. If I have given myself in a genuine, real, authentic way then that love will never die. So, for those of you to whom I've shared myself. Thank you for receiving my gift. Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for loving me in return.

To those that I'm still giving my heart to...continue to be patient with me as I learn to love without abandon. I am learning to love without judgement and concern. I am learning how to love myself so I can love you better. Thanks for not dividing my heart but making it fuller, larger, better.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Sharing Jesus Christ

I think sharing our faith is so much more then most of us learned as a child. Sure it involves going to where people are..but I don't believe it involves knocking on their door and forcing Jesus upon them (my personal opinion). I think since my faith is about relationship, maybe I should establish a relationship with someone before I share my faith. Maybe, just maybe we shouldn't even try to force a relationship. Perhaps, God is trying to give you opportunities to share Jesus with those that you already have relationship with? These are a few songs that exemplify sharing my faith with those I love. I hope you enjoy.


Casting Crowns - Here I Go Again
Father, hear my prayer. I need the perfect words.
Words that he will hear and know they're straight from You.
I don't know what to say. I only know it hurts to see my only friend slowly fade away.

So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life with Your fire in my eyes.
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words.
What am I so afraid of?

'Cause here I go again. Talkin 'bout the rain and mulling over things.
That won't live past today and as I dance around the truth.
Time is not his friend. This might be my last chance to tell him that You love him.
But here I go again, here I go again.

Lord, You love him so. You gave Your only Son.
If he will just believe; he will never die.
But how then will he know what he has never heard
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life with Your fire in my eyes.
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words.
What am I so afraid of?

'Cause Here I go again. Talkin 'bout the rain and mulling over things.
That won't live past today and as I dance around the truth.
Time is not his friend. This might be my last chance to tell him that You love him.
But here I go again. Here I go, here I go

So maybe this time I"ll speak the words of life with Your fire in my eyes.
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words.
What am I so afraid of?

'Cause here I go again. Talkin 'bout the rain and mulling over things.
That won't live past today and as I dance around the truth.
Time is not his friend. This might be my last chance to tell him that You love him.
This might be my last chance to tell him that you love him.
This might be my last chance to tell him that you love him.

You love him, you love him.
What am I so afraid? What am I so afraid? What am I so afraid of?
How then will he know? What he has never heard?

--------------------------------------------------------------
Conversations (Sara Groves)
I don't know how to say this. I don't know how to stand.

I don't know where to put my feet, or where to put my hands.
I've got them in my pockets, my fingers are freezing cold.
They're wrapped around a ticket stub that's four weeks old,
and I don't know how to say this
I think we've figured out this world is bigger than you and I.

We've exhausted our wealth of knowledge and have no more answers for mankind

CHORUS:
We've had every conversation in the world about what is right and what has all gone bad,
but have I mentioned to you that this is all I am, this is all that I have

I'm not trying to judge you. No That's not my job. I am just a seeker too, in search of God
Somewhere somehow this subject became taboo. I have no other way to communicate to you. This is all that I have. This is all that I am.

CHORUS

And I would like to share with you what makes me complete. I don't claim to have found the Truth, but I know it has found me
The only thing that isn't meaningless to me

Is Jesus Christ and and way he set me free
This is all that I have. This is all that I am.
It's all that I have. And it's all.
The only thing that isn't meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and the way He set me free.
And this is all that I have. This is all that I am.
It's all that I have. And it's all that I am.

It's all that I have. And it's all....

I don't know how to say this.
I don't know where to start.
I just know that I care for you and i'm speaking from my heart.

Blessings to each one of you and I'm glad that we are friends. If you wanna know about Jesus, just ask me. He's changed me for the better and I'm so glad I know him!