Christmas Miracles

I believe that miracels still happen everyday. They might not be the "water to wine" type; BUT if you look, TRULY look then you can find God's hand at work in your life in a miraculous way DAILY. I just wanted to take a moment and share how God has been working in my life in the past few days.

I had misplaced a necklace given to me by Nathan's grandmother Kitty. Kitty passed away in 1996 so this necklace was very special to me as I really only knew her for two years. I had worn it to a ladies event at our church in November and hadn't realized that it had fallen off sometime after I had returned home. I found the chain by stepping on it, and then the search began to find the pendant. I did pray about it and actually had the children pray with me. However, days passed by and to no avail. Then on Wednesday night November 28th I stayed home from choir practice (not feeling well, had a panic attack that day). The children and I put up the tree. I had rearranged the living room and had even vacuumed but still did not find the pendant. We put up the tree, COMPLETELY decorated it and on the LAST ornament something special happened. JoyAnn was placing this heart upon the tree ( a heart with a scripture from I Cor. 13 on it) and it fell off the tree. I went to pick it up and there upon the floor was my pendant shining up at me. Now I tell you. This place on the floor had been searched SEVERAL times. Yet, there it was. The first of many gifts from God I would receive over the next few days.

Then on December 1st Nathan and I had a conversation about trusting God. I mean the all out, sacrificing our own agenda, completely surrending our hearts, lifes AND finances to God talk. It was a blessing to hear that God is working in both of our lives and we desire to teach our children COMPLETE and utter dependance upon God, and so we must model that. So, as a direct result of this talk we decided to tithe again. On the gross amount. We paid our tithe THAT DAY.

*insert flashback* On Tuesday night the 27th of November I had written a prayer request that God would provide some money for a trip that we are taking later this month AND to get the kids some Christmas presents...Joseph wants the Polar Express toy that costs $130-150 depending on where you buy it. Who has that kind of cash for one present for ONE kid? NOT US!!! Nathan and I did commit it to prayer though.

On Thursday November29th we received a call about singing at a funeral on Sunday. We agreed to do it. On Sunday December 2nd we had a wonderful service which included Nathan sharing a testimony of God's faithfulness in our lives and the story of our most recent surrender. After church our financial administrator Tonya approached Nathan with a check for $100.00 given anonymously to use for Christmas. Then we sang at a funeral that afternoon and received a gift of $50. How cool is that???? Now we have enough to pay for Joseph's train. We promptly ordered it from the internet and it should be here ANYTIME!!

The hotel for our trip was taken care of (as a gift). Gas money has been given to us. Childcare fell into place. Nathan ended up receiving a Christmas bonus for the first time since he started at the Cove almost 6 years ago. God is gracious and loving. He is faithful and He delights in taking care of his children.

Philippians 4:6 says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." The moral here is twofold. God chooses to bless and provide miracles. It is up to us to view them as such and to commit our lives and our will to him in prayer.

I am excited to see how many more miracles God is going to shower down upon the Flints in the next few days. Yet, I don't want to stop expecting them, looking for them, praying for them after Christmas. Maybe that's a miracle in itself, that God could take a hurting heart, an anxious heart, a negative heart and soften it and help me look for the positive again. Praise be to HIM!!!

MERRY CHIRSTMAS!!!

In Emmanuel's Love,

Janelle LeAnne Morgan Flint

Thanksgiving

So Thanksgiving is upon us!!! YEAH!! I love this holiday. However, it makes me sad that we seem to really hype up gratitude for one day and then we go back to our grumbling and complaining. Maybe I'm just being transparent, I certainly can't assume that anyone reading this has that problem (hahahaha!)

Inevitably later today I will sit at the table of my mother-in-law. I will eat wonderful food, too much of it, and then it will be MY turn to answer THE question..."what are you thankful for this year?". Well, I have been meditating abou what my answer will be and I feel overwhelmed with the list of things that have come to my heart and mind. There is one thought that rises to the top. I want to share it with you.

I have tried typing this paragraph over and over and so I'm just going to say it. I am thankful for suffering. It has brought me to the place I am today. I am thankful for my life, ALL of it. Just as Job said "blessed be the name of the Lord". He truly is the the God who gives and takes away.

Happy Thanksgiving...

God's Provision

So I wanted to share with you a blessing that our family received today. This isn't done in a bragging manner towards us OR the people who shared the blessing. The only thing I have to boast in is GOD and His love for me and my family. Thank you for allowing me to indulge in this moment.

Today our family was the recipient of a tremendous blessing. An envelope full of cash, gift cards and money orders. It seems that our need was made known to a local church and we were the anonymous recipient of God's blessing and provision through these people. The neatest part of all of this is that this church has been praying for us, not even knowing who we were, for the last month. All they knew were the details...father works, mom stays at home with three kids, financial strain, special need child, battling depression. To be frank I'm not exactly what all was shared and it doesn't matter because obviously it was EXACTLY what God wanted to be shared. I was blown AWAY!!! One of the pastors and his wife of this church came by today to present us with the gift and to pray for and encourage our family.

God is an amazing God. He is faithful and loving and His hand of provision is always timely. Thank you Lord for you love!!!

Keep praying, keep believing, keep sharing. People can't help you if you don't express your needs. I made a need known. I didn't know who was listening, but God did!!!

Have a blessed weekend!!!

The Long Awaited Day

Pics to follow...

In the meantime let me tell you about my day yesterday. My family had a glorious day celebrating life and simply just enjoying each other. ALL the Morgan children, grandchildren AND great grandchildren were together at the same time UNDER ONE ROOF!!!

Mom and Dad hosted at their house in Swannanoa. It was a beautiful time. Nannie and Papa were able to come over and Grandma Morgan and Frances came over too for a brief time!! It was simply amazing to watch everyone playing, laughing and talking. Leah (the newest family member)was the highlight of the day. Philip and Tammy's daughter is 5 1/2 weeks old. She is AMAZING!!! We have been waiting for this day for many years. Philip and Tammy have lost two children in their journey to parenthood and so yesterday watching my family hold this PERFECT child was an answer to prayer. God is so gracious!!!!

There were so many wonderful moments. Watching my children feed their baby cousin. Then Uncle Philip taught JoyAnn and Jesse the "touchdown" dance. Joseph watched trains with Tante Nathalie and Aunt Tammy. Seeing my mother's face as she held Leah. Watching my grandparents hold Leah knowing it might be the last time we are all together. I was blessed! I just wanted to share with you my incredible weekend!!!

More Band Memories

So today was the 33rd annual "Land of the Sky Marching Band Festival" at Enka High School. It was a blast to take the kids and watch some of the area bands. It was however very HOT, very CROWDED and very well...disappointing. It just seems that band isn't what it used to be when I was in high school. Granted we didn't get to see that many bands, but the ones we saw lacked a little in depth and musical talent. Isn't that critical of me?

We did have a good time. We got to meet our new baby cousin Leah. Philip was judging music effect and so we saw him, Tammy and Leah. I did get to see Dana and it was an ok day for OHS. The highlight of the day for me though was watching WCU. I was SOOOO proud to be an alumni. The Pride of the Mountains ROCKED!!! I would love to go to WCU just to watch them march again.

I bet the evening would have been good if we had stuck around but after seeing part of AA and all of AAA competition we were ready to leave. However, in the midst of the heat I was a little nostalgic (maybe it was just dehydration..haha). I was glad to have experienced high school marching band. It also made me wonder what kind of band director Nathan or I could have been.

So here's to memories of high school and college marching band.

The Miracle of the Moment

I am so tired of being afraid. I am so tired of living in the past or fearing the future. I want to experience the "nowness" of my life. I want to truly be in the gift of the present. Evidently I'm not the only one feeling this. God brings songs to me to speak of His never ending love. Miracle of the Moment by Steven Curtis Chapman is one of those that is speaking VOLUMES to me right now. Here it is. I will try and figure out how to link to it soon. But for now you can go to his website or to Rhapsody and listen.

Miracle of the Moment

It's time for letting go
All of our "if only's"
Cause we don't have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There's only One who knows
What's really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history

And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart

And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go
Let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go

And listen to your heartbeat

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now (here and now)
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle
Of the moment

~Lord,
Here's to living in the moment. Grant me your grace to experience your majesty, love, glory, peace and forgiveness THIS moment. Let me allow you to lavish your love upon me, just as I am. Thank you for grace. Bathe me in your presence right now God. I love you and praise you. In Jesus name....AMEN!

The Desert of Depression

So, I usually write about "happy" things. I write about life and my ups and downs but I try not to get too bogged down in the "downs". However, today I must write about what I am going through. More accurately, what our FAMILY is going through.

Nathan has been suffering from severe, debilitating depression since late February/ early March of 2006. I won't go into the cause of the depression. That isn't necessarily for public eyes. However, I can tell you that it wasn't just one episode that spurred it on for him. It was a lifetime of hurts, disappointments that happened to be drawn to the surface by a particular hurt from a particular individual.

Needless to say, Nathan has not recovered. This tailspin, this downward spiral has been dramatic, traumatic, and completely devestating. Our entire family is affected. The children know that daddy doesn't feel well. He usually is in bed. He can't come places with us. He seems sad. I know that my husband is emotionally unavailable, and probably going to go yet another day without engaging in life, much less engaging me in conversation.

It's awful, it's sad, it's horrible....for NATHAN, for us, for all who love us. I am angry. I am sad. I am hurt. I am lost, and so is NATHAN, our kids and our friends. I am resentful. I want my husband back. I want my best friend back. I want my lover back. I want him to be whole, healed and at peace with God, others and most importanly HIMSELF.

If you are reading this and you believe in God and prayer. Pray for Nathan. Pray for me. Pray for our family and for anyone struggling with depression.

Overwhelmed,

Janelle

Life

So it's been a few weeks since I've posted anything here. Let me catch you up on our life.

Nathan tried the trucking thing, and as clearly as God lead him to Charlotte, he lead him HOME. After one week of successful training Nathan knew the life of a trucker was not for him. I praise God for directing his path (Prov. 3:5-6) and for sending him home to us.

The story doesn't end there though. It simply starts there. God's favor was showered upon us in other ways. God held the waters back and prohibited the Cove from hiring anyone for Nathan's position. He was able to get his job back at the Cove and it truly was as if he never left.

However, in our lives is was VERY obvious he left. I went through such emotional and spiritual awakenings to prepare my heart and mind for him to be gone that I was quite shocked at how I felt when he came home. I truly am in a different mindset, a different place then when he left. I am excited though because his return home is a second chance, a new start for all of us. For Nathan he gets to continue his faith journey and ministry at the Cove. He also is continuing to grow in music ministry. For me it is another chance to love him unconditionally and fully while growing as an individual. I am GLAD he's home but I am working on not being the smothering, overly needy and sensitive wife I was before he left. It's hard to admit, but there is power in confession.

So the kids are good. I am good. The storage shed is complete and the porch should be clear before long. We are moving along. It is a farily calm time for us right now. Keep praying.

In Him,
Janelle

Learning to Love....LESS or maybe just DIFFERENTLY?

So, just an hour and a half ago I walked my husband to his car and said goodbye.

Why is this significant today? Well it was a different goodbye. I was saying goodbye knowing that life as the Flint family has known it is about to change. Change DRASTICALLY!

Nathan left today for his training for Schneider. I've blogged about this already so I don't need to go into how sad I am, or how much I will miss Nathan. What this blog is about is how I am learning to love him. LESS.

Intrigued? Well, to be honest so am I. I have worked the last twelve years to be a BETTER wife, to love him MORE, to show him in more effective ways JUST how much I love him. I have told him "I love you" countless times. I certainly meant it, however, I am learning that I also meant "do you love me"? As I have been preparing for Nathan to start his new job I have really been doing some soul searching. I have discovered once again my co-dependent, NEEDY side. The side that has held onto Nathan too tightly to even allow him room to breathe, to grow, to live. I have had unrealistic expectations of him. I have been to demanding on him physically, emotionally, spiritually. So walking him to the car today was a "go with God". It was a time of releasing him. Letting him go and starting on this journey to love him LESS. Maybe I should say DIFFERENTLY?

I want Nathan to be loved by God first and foremost and to be able to show and shower his love back to the One who created him. Then loving me will just be "icing on the cake". That's the kind of love I want to give AND receive. I want to love like I Corinthians 13 says (the Message) "Love never gives up. Love never cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first", doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but kees going to the end." That's the kind of love I'm looking for and learning to walk in while displaying this kind of love to Nathan AND others. What a journey.

Love,

Janelle

The Act of Forgiving

The ones we love the most tend to hurt us the deepest. This has been said and man is it true! Choosing to forgive. Wanting to forgive. Actually forgiving...Steps to wholeness for both the forgiver AND the forgivee!

Watching those you love suffer because of a hurt that has been sent their direction. Feeling helpless all the while as they cry. Being there as they slowly slip into a state of depression! Wondering if they will ever "be with you" again.

There are days like today I am ANGRY. I don't want to forgive. I am mad. It is hard today to even want to forgive, to walk in love and to pray for my "enemy". However, I choose to forgive. I choose to love. I choose to try and reconcile. I choose to be set free from the bondage of anger, hurt and disappointment. I release my resentment. If God is willing to forgive me then I can forgive those who have hurt me and my family. I forgive.....

There is a song by Brandon Heath "I'm Not Who I Was" that speaks to the heart of forgiveness both giving and receiving. I want to be whole. I want to be able to forgive the people who have hurt me, AND to forgive MYSELF.
http://brandonheath.net/

The Sounds of a Memory

Last week was the first week of band camp for C.D. Owen (my alma mater). I can't believe they have camp for two weeks. That would have been intense.

Anyway, the school is located very close to my mother's house in Swannanoa, NC. I was there one day last week (I can't remember which one specifically) and heard the distant thunder of the percussion section (the O.K.P.) and the warming up of horns as the band was preparing for a rehearsal. INSTANTLY I was flooded with a monsoon of memories and feelings.

I loved high school. Yes I loved it. The ups, the downs, the confusion and chaos. The "love" troubles, the best friend squabbles, the classes, the bad cafeteria food, ALL of it! My most treasured memories though center around my times in band and even more specifically MARCHING BAND!!! I had a great band director, great friends and great experiences. No, we weren't the world's best band. We had some ROUGH years in 1988-1989. It did get better and we ended on quite a high note (no pun intended). Personally for me they were some of the BEST years of my life.

I was blessed to have been on the colorguad, woodwind section leader, colorguard captain and drum major my senior year. I could go on and on with all of the fun times and experiences but I truly won't bore you. You probably wouldn't find them NEARLY as entertaining as I did. Let it just suffice to say that I thank the Lord for my memories. I thank him for having had the opportunity to make music with some wonderful people and for the joy of being part of something special.

It's My Time to Play

Ever feel like you are a bench warmer? Like the game of life is going on and you are waiting for the chance to play? Maybe I haven't been able to play in the game because I've been too busy holding onto things from the past. Maybe I haven't been "called into the game" because I still have had some lessons to learn on this bench. My God is gracious and I know now that he has more in store for me. He wants me to play this game and to enjoy it. He has given me wonderful team mates and a great court to play on. I need to lay some stuff down so that I can pick up the ball and take my shot!

Here's a song by Jaci V. called "Lay it Down". It has ministered to me..Hope you enjoy it and here's to playing the game with gusto.

"Lay it Down"

I’ve been looking ‘til my eyes are tired of looking
Listening ‘til my ears are numb from listening
Praying ‘til my knees are sore from kneeling
On the bedroom floor

I know that You know that my heart is aching
I’m running out of tears and my will is breaking
I don’t think that I can carry
The burden of it anymore

All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are slowly slipping through my folded hands

Chorus
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it down

I’ve been walking through this world like I’m barely living
Buried in the doubt of this hole I’ve been digging
But You’re pulling me out and I’m finally breathing
In the open air

This room may be dark but I’m finally seeing
There’s a new ray of hope and now I’m believing
That the past is the past and the future’s beginning to look brighter now

‘Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

Chorus
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it down

Random Shots of My Kids (2006)

Sorry these are old. I don't own a digital camera. These were taken either at Mimi's house (Nathan's mom)last year, or at Stephania and Darrel's wedding (July of '06). I will try and get some more recent pics soon. Just thought you might enjoy.

Janelle

A Fork in the Road

When you come to a fork in the road which path will you take? Both roads look promising, yet both are unknown. Where will you end up? How will you get there? Will the destination be what you dreamed?

I am choosing a path in my life right now. I am choosing to love Nathan and stay married to him (even though it ISN'T easy). I am choosing to be a stay at home mom. I am choosing to work on my recovery of hurts, habits and hangups from the past. I am choosing to learn to love those in my life unconditionally while sharing my opinions. I am working on boundaries. I am choosing a path.

Is it the right one? Will I be pleased? Is this the easier road? Who knows really, except the Lord. There are things I would like to address while traveling this new journey, this new path. But overall, today's an "up" day!

Why am I writing this? Well, Nathan and I have been having a HARD time recently. Some choices HAD to be made. Should I go back to work? Should Nathan quit his job at the Cove (which he did..see previous blog)? Should we put the kids in preschool/school? What's going to happen with our marriage? Is this all really worth it? What will happen with Joseph? So through prayer and discussion choices have been made. I am working at loving Nathan. I am committed to spending time with him before he leaves on August 18th. I am choosing to love him and look for the good in him, while trying my best to forget the negatives. I am trying to look for the hope in Joseph's situation. I am doing my best with the house but realeasing the fact that it will never be as clean as I wish (at least not for YEARS)! I am praying to be fulfilled with what I have and learn true contentment. I am praying...that's the key. Lamentations 3:40 "Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the Lord"

That's the key, back to basics. The road (whichever one you choose) will be easier traveled with prayer. I am going back to what I know. A relationship with the Lord. He is making the rest clear as hand in hand we walk the crooked path I've chosen. The beautiful part of it all though is it's really the path HE'S chosen. My God is a sovereign God! Everything that happens to me has been "father-filtered". I am so blessed in resting in his majesty, his grace, his love and his SOVEREIGNTY!!! To quote Dr. Billy Graham "It's about time that we are putting less confindence in ourselves and more trust and faith in God". It seems as though when I truly examine myself all I see is myself. I should be seeing more of God then me! Oh I long for the day when the "beautiful stuff" within my cup is more him then just my "good deeds".

Forks in the road really aren't obstacles. They really aren't tests. They are merely opportunities to draw you closer to the one who made you! Thank you Lord for my fork in the road!

"Are We There Yet?"

When I was a kid we traveled quite frequently. We moved often as a military family. This "question" was asked by myself and my older brothers quite often. I find myself still asking that question but this time it's to God and not my parents!!! "God am I there yet?" This journey I'm on of discovery, recovery and approaching wholeness and freedom in You ISN'T easy. Facing myself and taking responsibility for my actions is the hardest thing I've ever done. I must also accept and offer forgiveness for situations I thought were over. Denial has a nice way of making us feel comfortable doesn't it?

Celebrate Recovery, that's the name of the ministry that Nathan and I have been participating in for two years. It is a program developed by John Baker and Rick Warren (the author of the Purpose Driven Life). This program has been successful at Saddleback Community Church in California for 10+ years. It is now worldwide!!! This program is based on the 12 steps (as in AA/NA, etc.) and the 8 recovery principles (the beatitudes). It is an amazing thing and I'm so grateful I am a participant! Check out http://celebraterecovery.com/ if interested.


This program invloves setting boundaries with my family, my parents, my husband, and my friends. The 12 steps also involve giving and receiving forgiveness, learning to see myself as God sees me, accepting my past and moving on with my life. All of these are things I'm working on right now! It's tough and I'm ready to be there God! You know the exciting thing is I know what's coming! Being with you in heaven will be the greatest gift of all! I want to be there! Keep being patient with me God as I keep trucking along on the "road to recovery".

So, NO I'm not there yet, but I am a little closer. I'm drawing nearer to the Lord everyday and am a little closer to freedom, to oneness, to being whole.

Life is a Highway!

So Joseph loves this song from "Cars". He just sings and sings it and it really is the cutest thing (well maybe besides Jesse and JoyAnn playing uncle Tyler's Wii)!!!

Well the Flint family is going to be making a move down the highway. We are ready for a change. God is definitely up to something in the Flint family. We've never even considered a changes until recently. We honestly have not even been open to what God has TRULY in mind for us. We have said we would go and do whatever He has determined for our family. Personally speaking that meant "within reason, or certain peramiters." What a selfish, sinful attitude to have had. How dare I presuppose what God's best is for me or my family.

So God is calling us to something new. An attitude change, a move of the heart, a surrendering of OUR plans. It's a good place to be right now, a little scary but a good place to be nonetheless.

Nathan will be giving notice at the Cove shortly and will be taking a position with Schneider National as a truck driver. What a change, what a SACRIFICE it will be for our family. Yet we firnly believe what Hebrews 10:23 says "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." God is faithful is leading us down a new highway. This isn't going to be easy. It isn't suposed to be easy. It is SACRIFICE.

Please pray for us as we journey through this together. Nathan will be starting his school on August the 18th in Charlotte, NC. He will be gone for 21 days then home for two. He will then start his 2 weeks on and two days home. This is what our schedule will be like for a year. WOW! Big changes for the Flints huh?

Thank you for your support. We will need it especially me and the kids. I don't do change. I don't do "alone" very well. Yes I am a selfish, co-dependent who needs people WAY too much. I am struggling but I will adjust. It will be good. It will be GREAT because it's GOD'S best for us. Even though I will be staying here in Black Mountain it will be a move for me. A stretch, a change, a journey.

So...here's to checking out the scenery.

Expectantly,

Janelle

Stormy Weather

I Peter 1:6-7 "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for alittle while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Seems like life has been a little stormy lately. Maybe the storm just left your area? Maybe it's headed your way? Which ever place you are in the fact of the matter is WE HAVE ALL EXPERIENCED storms in our lives. Here's a great song to encourage us all!! It's by Casting Crowns...hope you enjoy it!

Praise You in the Storm
I was sure by now, God You would have reached down and wiped our tears away.
Stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining.
As the thunder rollsI barely hear You whisper through the rain. "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls. I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

Chorus:
I'll praise You in this storm. And I will lift my hands.
For You are who You are. No matter where I am.
Every tear I've cried. You hold in Your hand.
You never left my side, and though my heart is torn.
I will praise You in this storm.

I remember whenI stumbled in the wind.
You heard my cry You raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone. How can I carry on?
If I can't find You. As the thunder rolls.
I barely hear You whisper through the rain. "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls. I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

(Chorus)

I lift my eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord. The Maker of Heaven and Earth (Repeat)

(Repeat Chorus)

This band has some FANTASTIC stuff. Their sense of uncompromised personal holiness and their challenge to the church to arise and show God for who He is astounds me. I am encouraged, challenged, uplifted and changed everytime I listen to their stuff. Not to mentiont they ROCK in concert (thanks again Charlie and Beth). Why don't you check them out at http://castingcrowns.com/ Their latest project is going to be released 8/28/07 and is entitled The Altar and the Door.

Kyrie Eleison

So..today is one of those days where I wonder why I'm even here! I know that God has some purpose for me. No, I haven't finished the "Purpose Driven Life" (I'm embarassed to say), but I still know that God has some reason for me to be here! However, I just feel like I'm taking up space. Like I'm breathing someone elses air. What good am I doing? I'm not using the degree I will be paying for until I'm like 59!! I just clean up messes and stop fights all day. I don't even cook real meals. If it doesn't come out of a bag or a box you usually don't find it at my house!! .
Blah, blah, blah...I know what a WHINER. I have a good life. I am blessed to stay home with my kids. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me. I am blessed to still be married. I'm blessed to live in NC. So..what's your stinkin deal you ask? Who knows honestly... I just lately have been feeling like there is so much more I was meant to be in life. There seems to be so much more I could do, so much more I could be, so much more left undiscovered. I just want to live life to the fullest. Really I don't want to be rich, I don't want to be a princess. I don't want to be famous. I don't want to live in a castle or drive a really expensive car. I just want to ENJOY life. I want to live it to the fullest. I want to experience ALL that I was created to be, to have, to love, to live. Is that too much to ask?
Here is an old song from the 80's (go figure) by Mr. Mister. It has been recently remade by March Schultz and we have played it on 106.9 WMIT. Thought is was appropriate..



Kyrie Eleison...
The wind blows hard against this mountainside.
Across the sea into my soul.
It reaches in to where I cannot hide.
Setting my feet upon the road.
My heart is old it holds my memories.
This heart it burns a gem like flame.
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine.
Is where I find myself again


Chorus:
Kyrie Eleison down the road that I must travel.
Kyrie Eleison through the darkness of the night.
Kyrie Eleison where I'm going will you follow?
Kyrie Eleison on a highway in the light.


When I was young I dreamed of growing old.
Of what my life would mean to me.
Would I have traveled down my chosen road?

Or only wish that I could be....


(Repeat Chorus)


I don't wanna look back at my life and say..what was that. I don't wanna look back and say "I'm sorry God that I didn't do what you called me to do" or that "I ask you to forgive me for wasting my life".
So, how do you live in the moment? How do you embrace life for all that it is? So..here I stand..waiting

One Word

This is a silly "survey" thingy that we all get but it was sorta interesting.

I thought you might like to get to know me a little better and to see that I really CAN say only one word. I know that is AMAZING!!!

I stole this one from my friend, Shannon.

Enjoy and steal it for yourself if you want...


One Word Game
Answer the following using only one word..........
Yourself: charisma
Your Husband/Wife: honest
Your Hair: graying
Your Mother: brave
Your Father: hilarious
Your Favorite Item: ring
Your Dream Last Night: complex
Your Favorite Drink: water
Your Dream Home: cabin
The Room You Are In: studio
Your Pets: none
Your Car: big
What You Are Now: sleepy
Who You Want to be in Ten Years: me
What You Want to be in Ten Years: content
What You're Not: thin
Your Best Friend: steadfast
One of Your Wishlist Items: vacation
Your Gender: Female
Your Heart: full
Your Dream: healing
The Last Thing You Did: dishes
What You Are Wearing: casual
Your kind of painting: peaceful
Your Favorite Weather: mild
Your Favorite Book: lots
The Last Thing You Ate: dinner
Your Life: challenging
Your Mood: indifferent
Favorite article of clothing: jeans
Favorite color: purple
School: liked
Song: changes


Now, Can you name one word that best describes me?

Pieces of My Heart

I was spurred on to blog after reading a post on a forum that I participate in for alumni of my high school. It dealt with an apology someone gave for an event that happened a year ago. It greatly affected (or is it effected I'm not good at grammar) both of them. The odd part to me was not the apology, nor even the way it was done. What struck me was the comment " you deserve the piece of my heart you still have". That got me to thinking...Who has pieces of my heart?

I guess what I'm trying to say is...if I've given pieces of my heart away to people then how much do I have left for God? For my husband? For my kids? For my friends? Is having a "divided heart" a good thing? Don't get me wrong. I think it's important to share openly, honestly, authentically with those you are in relationship with in this life. I'm not saying that you shouldn't invest yourself in a relationship. I guess what I'm saying is..be careful whom you give your heart to and how much you invest in a relationship. (I'm preaching to myself. Mainly just thinking out loud).

I just want to be real, authentic and open with myself. I want to live in the moment. I want to give all that I am and all that I have to my Lord and to my love! I am blessed to have Nathan and my children. I am blessed to have the friends in my life that I have. I don't want to think about the coulda, shoulda, wouldas anymore. I want to leave those pieces of my heart (those gifts) where they belong. With those people. If I've given it away then it's not mine any longer, huh?

I don't regret sharing my heart with anyone. I just regret feeling like once I've shared a part of me, if that part is lost, it's really lost. Love is never really lost. If I have given myself in a genuine, real, authentic way then that love will never die. So, for those of you to whom I've shared myself. Thank you for receiving my gift. Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for loving me in return.

To those that I'm still giving my heart to...continue to be patient with me as I learn to love without abandon. I am learning to love without judgement and concern. I am learning how to love myself so I can love you better. Thanks for not dividing my heart but making it fuller, larger, better.

Sharing Jesus Christ

I think sharing our faith is so much more then most of us learned as a child. Sure it involves going to where people are..but I don't believe it involves knocking on their door and forcing Jesus upon them (my personal opinion). I think since my faith is about relationship, maybe I should establish a relationship with someone before I share my faith. Maybe, just maybe we shouldn't even try to force a relationship. Perhaps, God is trying to give you opportunities to share Jesus with those that you already have relationship with? These are a few songs that exemplify sharing my faith with those I love. I hope you enjoy.


Casting Crowns - Here I Go Again
Father, hear my prayer. I need the perfect words.
Words that he will hear and know they're straight from You.
I don't know what to say. I only know it hurts to see my only friend slowly fade away.

So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life with Your fire in my eyes.
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words.
What am I so afraid of?

'Cause here I go again. Talkin 'bout the rain and mulling over things.
That won't live past today and as I dance around the truth.
Time is not his friend. This might be my last chance to tell him that You love him.
But here I go again, here I go again.

Lord, You love him so. You gave Your only Son.
If he will just believe; he will never die.
But how then will he know what he has never heard
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life with Your fire in my eyes.
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words.
What am I so afraid of?

'Cause Here I go again. Talkin 'bout the rain and mulling over things.
That won't live past today and as I dance around the truth.
Time is not his friend. This might be my last chance to tell him that You love him.
But here I go again. Here I go, here I go

So maybe this time I"ll speak the words of life with Your fire in my eyes.
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words.
What am I so afraid of?

'Cause here I go again. Talkin 'bout the rain and mulling over things.
That won't live past today and as I dance around the truth.
Time is not his friend. This might be my last chance to tell him that You love him.
This might be my last chance to tell him that you love him.
This might be my last chance to tell him that you love him.

You love him, you love him.
What am I so afraid? What am I so afraid? What am I so afraid of?
How then will he know? What he has never heard?

--------------------------------------------------------------
Conversations (Sara Groves)
I don't know how to say this. I don't know how to stand.
I don't know where to put my feet, or where to put my hands.
I've got them in my pockets, my fingers are freezing cold.
They're wrapped around a ticket stub that's four weeks old,
and I don't know how to say this
I think we've figured out this world is bigger than you and I.
We've exhausted our wealth of knowledge and have no more answers for mankind

CHORUS:
We've had every conversation in the world about what is right and what has all gone bad,
but have I mentioned to you that this is all I am, this is all that I have

I'm not trying to judge you. No That's not my job. I am just a seeker too, in search of God
Somewhere somehow this subject became taboo. I have no other way to communicate to you. This is all that I have. This is all that I am.

CHORUS

And I would like to share with you what makes me complete. I don't claim to have found the Truth, but I know it has found me
The only thing that isn't meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and and way he set me free
This is all that I have. This is all that I am.
It's all that I have. And it's all.
The only thing that isn't meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and the way He set me free.
And this is all that I have. This is all that I am.
It's all that I have. And it's all that I am.
It's all that I have. And it's all....

I don't know how to say this.
I don't know where to start.
I just know that I care for you and i'm speaking from my heart.

Blessings to each one of you and I'm glad that we are friends. If you wanna know about Jesus, just ask me. He's changed me for the better and I'm so glad I know him!