Sunday, August 30, 2009

Heavy hearts...

I haven't been able to blog recently. I just haven't had the physical, mental or emotional energy. I have missed it though, and tonight I feel compelled.

Paul Moore passed away today. I would not say that I was friends with Paul. I knew his smiling face through church. We were friendly to each other as church families and I spoke often to them. I knew him through his participation in the Easter dramas. I remember as a young child watching him play football. He graduated with my oldest brother Greg. I have heard nothing but kind things about Paul, and all my encounters with him left me feeling uplifted. From what I know of him he was a good man, husband, father, friend, and a hard worker.

What makes me feel so sad about this situation is that Paul was just 41. 41. 41. What must Donette be feeling right now? I would love to say that my faith is strong enough and my dependence upon Jesus ultimate. However, if I lost Nathan my world would be crushed. Maybe I'm waxing because I'm pregnant. Maybe I'm hormonal and sad. Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but I think I would be LOST.

I cried tonight. My heart breaks for his family. However, I believe Paul is with Jesus and that comforts me. However, there is still an emptiness AND a realization that life is short. How much more time will I have? How much more time will I have with my family? Only the Lord knows, but I pray that He gives me grace and wisdom to live each of those remaining moments FOR HIM, THROUGH HIM, and to make the most of my life.

Just recently Kevin, our pastor, took us through a series on "30 days to live". How poignant that we as a church family heard this message series. How am I living? Am I living? Or am I just surviving? So many thoughts I can hardly put them all down...

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