So, just an hour and a half ago I walked my husband to his car and said goodbye.
Why is this significant today? Well it was a different goodbye. I was saying goodbye knowing that life as the Flint family has known it is about to change. Change DRASTICALLY!
Nathan left today for his training for Schneider. I've blogged about this already so I don't need to go into how sad I am, or how much I will miss Nathan. What this blog is about is how I am learning to love him. LESS.
Intrigued? Well, to be honest so am I. I have worked the last twelve years to be a BETTER wife, to love him MORE, to show him in more effective ways JUST how much I love him. I have told him "I love you" countless times. I certainly meant it, however, I am learning that I also meant "do you love me"? As I have been preparing for Nathan to start his new job I have really been doing some soul searching. I have discovered once again my co-dependent, NEEDY side. The side that has held onto Nathan too tightly to even allow him room to breathe, to grow, to live. I have had unrealistic expectations of him. I have been to demanding on him physically, emotionally, spiritually. So walking him to the car today was a "go with God". It was a time of releasing him. Letting him go and starting on this journey to love him LESS. Maybe I should say DIFFERENTLY?
I want Nathan to be loved by God first and foremost and to be able to show and shower his love back to the One who created him. Then loving me will just be "icing on the cake". That's the kind of love I want to give AND receive. I want to love like I Corinthians 13 says (the Message) "Love never gives up. Love never cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first", doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but kees going to the end." That's the kind of love I'm looking for and learning to walk in while displaying this kind of love to Nathan AND others. What a journey.