So Much to be Thankful for

So today I am grateful for my birthday.  36 years of life I've been blessed with and so excited for another year.  This year I want to experience an abundant life as described in John 10:10.  This is going to be a year to dream, change, grow and become.  A chance to learn, embrace, release and discern.  37 is going to be an opportunity to lose and win, to commit, forgive and be forgiven, and laugh, love and LIVE!!!

My sweet LIFE group celebrated all of the March birthdays last night by having a cookout.  After a nice walk/jog/hike in Montreat I was greeted by the laughter and sounds of fellowship.  Literally at times my LIFE group has been my lifeline.  Sharing things with them over the last few months and years has been a joy.  Jan made a red velvet cake.  Yes I did have a little piece and a cup of coffee.  It was wonderful.  I think one of the most liberating  things along this journey is to know that food doesn't control me.  I control it!!!  I can CHOOSE whether or not to eat something.  That is a great feeling.

So I'm going to be surrounded by food today.  A birthday lunch, more cake (which tonight I will say "no" to) and of course dinner.  Today my choices might be a little harder, but that's ok.  I know if I stop, think, pray and ask for help I can make the RIGHT decision.  This is empowering.  Now I don't always get this right, but I make more right choices than wrong choices these days.  For THAT I'm so grateful. 

I'm at another stand still in my weight loss.  I keep going from 62-65 pounds down and back up and back down.  I've got to kick it up on the cardio and figure out what's going on food wise.  I'm praying for revelation and motivation to make it through these next few pounds.  I am nine pounds from the goal I had set for myself for this day.  I'm not gonna give up though, I'm just gonna work HARDER!!!

Also, I'm so thankful for my family.  My sister in law Nathalie was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago.  She has had the tumor removed, her lymph nodes were clean, but she starts chemo very soon. Praise God for early detection and a positive prognosis.  On May 12th prayerfully a large portion of our family will be participating in a 5K walk/run alongside Nathalie.  I think the older three kids are going to walk with her.  I think Tammy and myself will be jogging and Philip as well (although I'm sure I'll eat his dust).  It's gonna be a lot of fun and a gift that Nathalie will be healthy enough to do this event.  That's one of the best birthday gifts I could EVER have received.

Ok.  Enough of this.  I've got to get ready for lunch.  Have a GREAT day! 

Out of Hiding

I'm tired of hiding behind all of this excess "baggage". How can a fat person hide? Physically it isn't possible but emotionally it's easy really. If you like me even though I'm fat then I guess I can really let you inside my life. Isn't that a warped way of thinking? I also hide behind my smile, sarcasm and dry sense of humor. My charisma and personality take me pretty far and cover up a lot of pain and suffering.

However, I'm tired of "hiding" behind all of this. Being fat isn't easy. Being fat isn't fun. It certainly isn't healthy. I have to do something. I have to do it now. It's overwhelming really. I'm not quite sure where to start but I must.

I will try and blog about my progress. I have lost weight in the past. I have been successful and I am expectant that this attempt will be no different. Except, maybe I'll complete my goal this time!!! YAY!!!

Well, here's to a new chapter of my life. Here's to coming out of denial. I am a compulsive eater. I struggle with issues of pride, low self-esteem, and co-dependency. I also want to control my life and everyone else's while I am at it. And while all this confession is taking place I will admit the biggest one of all people pleasing and approval addiction. Isn't that ironic that a people pleaser would be fat? Wouldn't you think I would be so worried about what people thought of me that I would be thin and fashionable? I guess it's weird how the psyche works.

So pray for me as I embark on a journey to health, wellness, weight loss and discovery of my poverty of spirit (Matthew 5:3).