In 2013 I was given the opportunity to borrow a book from my friend Donna. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp was a great read. In fact after reading it twice I've decided it's finally time to download it for my Kindle. I read the book twice but didn't fully participate in the Joy Dare. So....this is the year I'm going to practice looking for joy in everyday. When we lived in WA for a short period of time I wrote my 3 daily "gifts" on our bathroom mirror so I could meditate on them. I think I'm going to adopt this practice again as well as journaling my daily entries and participating in the FB community.
If you haven't read the book in my opinion you should. It has been very transformative and has encouraged me to really come out of the fog of my apathy by pressing in to gratitude. The last few months have been very rocky and full of hurt, unmet expectations, change and grief. Truly I've felt hemmed in by a fog and that this haze has kept me from engaging in life fully. I'm coming out of this season because of God's hand of mercy. However, I know that part of my journey forward is momentum caused by gratitude.
Another tool that I am utilizing is the 100HappyDays challenge on FB/Instagram. Each day I share a picture and a brief synopsis of the happiness associated with that image. I'm currently on day 52 and it has been so much fun. Also I've had two people in my life specifically mention that my sharing has impacted them. That's pretty cool. I've shared moments with my children, successes in my weight loss journey, a snippet about Nathan, pictures from our Christmas celebration and even a picture of my Joy Dare list for January. Taking time each day to by mindful, pause and realize my blessings and spend time thanking God for them has been freeing. It also has encouraged me to engage with those in my world and tell them how much they are loved. I share with them what they have done, what they are that brings joy to my world. The dynamic of our house is changing and I'm feeling a renewed sense of hope. It's a blessing.
Part of my true embracing of gratitude has been the realization that there are things in my life that are hard, painful and challenging that bring growth, strength and mercy. Things that others might not look at as lovely, helpful or beautiful have caused me to experience a strange warming in my soul. I'm becoming increasingly more thankful for the things in my life that don't happen, the "no's" of my life and the disappointments. The words of the serenity prayer are ringing true..."hardship as a pathway to peace...". It sounds crazy, but I am grateful, truly humbled by the things that have been taken from me because they are bringing a greater sense of dependence upon Christ and a deeper relationship with each of my family members and also myself.
I dare say today that I'm grateful for autism. I venture out of my comfort zone to say that I'm thankful for a marriage that has grown from depression, hurt, withdrawal and pain. Being challenged with five kids, two sets of twins and financial hardship sure is building character. The gift of devastation as by friend Bette calls it, is truly that....a gift. Stepping out in faith, moving across the country and facing circumstances that precipitated a move back to NC...not an accident. These temporary storms have cause my roots to grow deep and I'm praying for a heart that displays the glory and splendor of God. I'm not grateful for the things in my life so I can brag about them. I want to be a mirror that reflects Christ. I want to be a clear window that transparently allows people to see the pain in my life and the healing that occurs through the work of Jesus. Paul says in 2 Cor. 11:30 "If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness."
So today I revel in the brokenness, the piece of my life have been shattered so that God could put them back together to make a stained glass window. I'm so glad he knows the story of my life and is continuing to write it in my heart and mind. I'm grateful, so grateful and may my life be a living sacrifice of praise as I flesh out real gratitude....a life filled with thanksgiving.
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Friday, June 14, 2013
Lessons Taught by a Six Year Old
Dear friends of ours, the Russell family, will be burying their six year old daughter Emilee in the next few days. She died yesterday from Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever while on a family vacation to Texas. It was the trip from hell and they only made it as far as LA before they had to transport her to a hospital for treatment. The entire story is too long to recount and I don't have every detail. I did speak with Beth (Emilee's mom) via text a few times this week and there have been numerous FB messages and posts. All the nitty gritty details aren't important. Emilee is with Jesus and it's heartbreaking.
Heartbreaking for oh so many reasons. One that is especially prominent in my mind is the fact that Emilee left behind a twin. Her brother Charlie Jr. is now an only child. As a mother of multiples I know the bond that twins have. Siblings are close, but twins ARE closer. They just are and I can't imagine the pain that little boy will feel, is feeling, as he tries to reconcile that his partner in this duet dance of life is no more. Trying to process this in the last few days with my nine year old twins (Jesse and JoyAnn) has been difficult, but oh so good. We've had hard and encouraging conversations about heaven, God's sovereignty, justice and holiness. There have been tears shed and sadness verbalized. JoyAnn has spoken of the last time she saw Emilee, March of this year. Jesse has been a bit more reserved, but has at times whispered prayers for the Russell family as we all have shared our requests and thoughts with God as a family. Even my three year old twins, Jonathan and James, have prayed for the Russell family.
It has been heartbreaking to think of this Sunday. As people all over celebrate Father's Day, Charlie Russell will be grieving the loss of his daughter, but wrestling with the joy of still fathering Charlie Jr. How joy and pain can co-exist is so difficult to fathom. It is vaguely reminiscent of Emily's passing in the movie Courageous. One of the lead characters has to grieve his daughters passing while learning how to father his only son and lead the family well through this time of pain and into a further, growing life in Christ. My husband Nathan has been especially saddened by this passing. Although Wednesday morning over our coffee and morning talk time the Lord spoke clearly to Nathan. He had prayed on Monday morning aloud with our family asking God to heal Emilee. On Wednesday the Lord reminded Nathan that he had not forgotten Nathan's request and he was going to heal her. It was just a few hours later that we learned of her passing. God is faithful even when we have a hard time reconciling His plans and ways.
Here's the really hard part for me to handle, deal with and speak of when it comes to Emilee's passing. I feel it's important though because it banishes my pride, destroying my stubborn will, allowing integrity, honesty and light bringing freedom to my soul. Emilee lived a full and wonderful life in her 6 short years. To honor her memory and the freedom she walked in I need to really take a look at what I'm feeling. There is grief. That is obvious. There is anger. Once again expected. How about sadness, confusion and doubt. I would say that all of those are normal for a friend to feel upon the death of someone dear to them.
What kept me awake last night and has filled my thoughts today are the feelings of guilt and shame. I am ashamed of myself because of the thoughts and feelings that I've had about my own children. Oh the times I've wished for my "own life" back. I've wanted vacations with Nathan, alone on a deserted island. I've been so overwhelmed by Joseph's incessant barrage of verbal ammunition, the pain and destruction that autism has caused our family, the countless hours in therapy for barely apparent reasons. Some days I've even wished that Joseph was non-verbal. That's shocking just to even see in writing. I can't believe I've thought that. Many days I've wondered why I have five children with two sets of twins. My house is SOOOO noisy. Weariness grips me most days because of the constant flow of stimulation, noise, fussing, squeals of glee, laughter, crying, you name it. It's just LOUD!!! I feel ashamed because Beth and Charlie will never hear "I love you" spoken by Emilee (this side of glory). Quite often I wish I could send them to public school, not because I feel less passionate about home education, but just so I can sleep late, take a long, uninterrupted bath, get a haircut or my nails done. How about a coffee date with a friend? Some days I feel as if I'll vomit if I hear "MOM" once more. Beth would give anything to hear Emilee say "Mom". I'm so tired of wiping noses, butts and brows. I had 16 days in NICU. The Russell family had MANY more. I get angry when I have to cook for 7. Now she can breeze through a meal for three. I won't take my kids to the doctor because we don't have insurance and can't afford it. They are looking at thousands of dollars in medical bills AND funeral expenses on top of that. I don't want to take my kids anywhere. Transporting them is a hassle, packing extra clothes, fastening car seats, taking a stroller, making sure that Joseph knows the plan, water bottles for us all, timing it just right so we aren't out at snack time or lunch time. They are having to transport her body from LA to NC.
My selfishness astounds me. My pride and lack of patience with my children and myself is disheartening. I spent time last night in prayer repenting of my lack of belief, my lack of gratitude for my life and gifts that God has bestowed upon me. I ONCE again asked Him for strength to see my children through His eyes. I vowed to do more loving and less yelling. I once again asked for forgiveness for trying so hard to make my children grow up too quickly and to change them into what I wish they could become. Today I've tried to slow down. I want to spend less time on FB, my phone and hiding from my life and my children by always being "busy". I'll take my hard days. I'll take being tired. Being yelled at by Joseph and feeling constantly misunderstood and disrespected isn't easy, but at least Joseph is with me. I'll take the noise. Every messy, frustrating, challenging part of parenthood is mine. God grant me the strength to embrace it, the grace to be grateful and the desire to dream big in you for me and for my children. I want to stop talking about living and START living. Yes, BIG mistakes have been made in the past in the arena of parenting. I'm sure I'll make more, as soon as tomorrow (the kids are all in bed). I'm not going to stop. I'm going to keep doing my best, realizing His mercies are new and that my children DO love me. I'm not as bad a mom as I think I am. We all have room to grow and change. Family is a gift and I want to enjoy every moment of it.
To my dear friends the Russell's...you are loved. I'm so, so sorry for your loss, Emilee, you will be missed. Thank you Beth for making the time to come see us in March. I have such sweet memories of my last hug from Emilee. I pray to see the remaining Russell's in NC when God allows. Emilee, enjoy Jesus, I'll be there before you know it singing beside you.
To those reading.....Yes joy and sorrow can coincide. Pain and peace can be roommates. Not only in grieving a death, but in everyday life. I can LOVE being a mom and be in pain over dreams shattered or goals left unachieved. I can watch agendas die and release expectation and simultaneously feel joy, relief and sorrow. There is a place for all of this. For me that place is at the cross. Praise be to God. He is my hope eternal. The hope of forgiveness, restoration, second, third and fiftieth chances and the hope of eternity with him, pain free, fever free, autism free....oh glory is going to be just that....GLORIOUS.
Heartbreaking for oh so many reasons. One that is especially prominent in my mind is the fact that Emilee left behind a twin. Her brother Charlie Jr. is now an only child. As a mother of multiples I know the bond that twins have. Siblings are close, but twins ARE closer. They just are and I can't imagine the pain that little boy will feel, is feeling, as he tries to reconcile that his partner in this duet dance of life is no more. Trying to process this in the last few days with my nine year old twins (Jesse and JoyAnn) has been difficult, but oh so good. We've had hard and encouraging conversations about heaven, God's sovereignty, justice and holiness. There have been tears shed and sadness verbalized. JoyAnn has spoken of the last time she saw Emilee, March of this year. Jesse has been a bit more reserved, but has at times whispered prayers for the Russell family as we all have shared our requests and thoughts with God as a family. Even my three year old twins, Jonathan and James, have prayed for the Russell family.
It has been heartbreaking to think of this Sunday. As people all over celebrate Father's Day, Charlie Russell will be grieving the loss of his daughter, but wrestling with the joy of still fathering Charlie Jr. How joy and pain can co-exist is so difficult to fathom. It is vaguely reminiscent of Emily's passing in the movie Courageous. One of the lead characters has to grieve his daughters passing while learning how to father his only son and lead the family well through this time of pain and into a further, growing life in Christ. My husband Nathan has been especially saddened by this passing. Although Wednesday morning over our coffee and morning talk time the Lord spoke clearly to Nathan. He had prayed on Monday morning aloud with our family asking God to heal Emilee. On Wednesday the Lord reminded Nathan that he had not forgotten Nathan's request and he was going to heal her. It was just a few hours later that we learned of her passing. God is faithful even when we have a hard time reconciling His plans and ways.
Here's the really hard part for me to handle, deal with and speak of when it comes to Emilee's passing. I feel it's important though because it banishes my pride, destroying my stubborn will, allowing integrity, honesty and light bringing freedom to my soul. Emilee lived a full and wonderful life in her 6 short years. To honor her memory and the freedom she walked in I need to really take a look at what I'm feeling. There is grief. That is obvious. There is anger. Once again expected. How about sadness, confusion and doubt. I would say that all of those are normal for a friend to feel upon the death of someone dear to them.
What kept me awake last night and has filled my thoughts today are the feelings of guilt and shame. I am ashamed of myself because of the thoughts and feelings that I've had about my own children. Oh the times I've wished for my "own life" back. I've wanted vacations with Nathan, alone on a deserted island. I've been so overwhelmed by Joseph's incessant barrage of verbal ammunition, the pain and destruction that autism has caused our family, the countless hours in therapy for barely apparent reasons. Some days I've even wished that Joseph was non-verbal. That's shocking just to even see in writing. I can't believe I've thought that. Many days I've wondered why I have five children with two sets of twins. My house is SOOOO noisy. Weariness grips me most days because of the constant flow of stimulation, noise, fussing, squeals of glee, laughter, crying, you name it. It's just LOUD!!! I feel ashamed because Beth and Charlie will never hear "I love you" spoken by Emilee (this side of glory). Quite often I wish I could send them to public school, not because I feel less passionate about home education, but just so I can sleep late, take a long, uninterrupted bath, get a haircut or my nails done. How about a coffee date with a friend? Some days I feel as if I'll vomit if I hear "MOM" once more. Beth would give anything to hear Emilee say "Mom". I'm so tired of wiping noses, butts and brows. I had 16 days in NICU. The Russell family had MANY more. I get angry when I have to cook for 7. Now she can breeze through a meal for three. I won't take my kids to the doctor because we don't have insurance and can't afford it. They are looking at thousands of dollars in medical bills AND funeral expenses on top of that. I don't want to take my kids anywhere. Transporting them is a hassle, packing extra clothes, fastening car seats, taking a stroller, making sure that Joseph knows the plan, water bottles for us all, timing it just right so we aren't out at snack time or lunch time. They are having to transport her body from LA to NC.
My selfishness astounds me. My pride and lack of patience with my children and myself is disheartening. I spent time last night in prayer repenting of my lack of belief, my lack of gratitude for my life and gifts that God has bestowed upon me. I ONCE again asked Him for strength to see my children through His eyes. I vowed to do more loving and less yelling. I once again asked for forgiveness for trying so hard to make my children grow up too quickly and to change them into what I wish they could become. Today I've tried to slow down. I want to spend less time on FB, my phone and hiding from my life and my children by always being "busy". I'll take my hard days. I'll take being tired. Being yelled at by Joseph and feeling constantly misunderstood and disrespected isn't easy, but at least Joseph is with me. I'll take the noise. Every messy, frustrating, challenging part of parenthood is mine. God grant me the strength to embrace it, the grace to be grateful and the desire to dream big in you for me and for my children. I want to stop talking about living and START living. Yes, BIG mistakes have been made in the past in the arena of parenting. I'm sure I'll make more, as soon as tomorrow (the kids are all in bed). I'm not going to stop. I'm going to keep doing my best, realizing His mercies are new and that my children DO love me. I'm not as bad a mom as I think I am. We all have room to grow and change. Family is a gift and I want to enjoy every moment of it.
To my dear friends the Russell's...you are loved. I'm so, so sorry for your loss, Emilee, you will be missed. Thank you Beth for making the time to come see us in March. I have such sweet memories of my last hug from Emilee. I pray to see the remaining Russell's in NC when God allows. Emilee, enjoy Jesus, I'll be there before you know it singing beside you.
To those reading.....Yes joy and sorrow can coincide. Pain and peace can be roommates. Not only in grieving a death, but in everyday life. I can LOVE being a mom and be in pain over dreams shattered or goals left unachieved. I can watch agendas die and release expectation and simultaneously feel joy, relief and sorrow. There is a place for all of this. For me that place is at the cross. Praise be to God. He is my hope eternal. The hope of forgiveness, restoration, second, third and fiftieth chances and the hope of eternity with him, pain free, fever free, autism free....oh glory is going to be just that....GLORIOUS.
Monday, November 19, 2012
"Be Thankful"
Yesterday's sermon was on I Thes. 5:18 "in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." As a part of our "If" series, this sermon was so powerful. Today I want to share on the teaching of gratitude. I've been sharing daily (well when I can) things I'm grateful for, but now I have a totally new appreciation for true gratitude. Let me say that I am grateful for the move of the Holy Spirit and His ability to teach His children. Praise be to God for using Tim Moore (our pastor) to bring the TRUTH to us.
1. "Be thankful"- Eucharistate (in the Greek). As a present and active verb this is to be linear, continual and intentional as opposed to a one time action of gratitude. So we were reminded that EVERY time we share the eucharist (or Lord's meal) we are sharing a Thanksgiving meal together as a family of God. The application question here...Am I intentional about gratitude???
2. "In every circumstance"- En Panti (Greek). Everything...ALL things (check out Rom. 8:28 and II Cor. 1). Application-we CAN be thankful in all circumstances. No pain or hurt is wasted IF given to God to redeem.
3. "for this is the will of God"- Thelema Theou (Greek). This is the actual desire of God. God has deep desires for His children. Living a life of complete gratitude is God's desire/plan for us.
4. "for those who belong to Christ"- En Kristo (Greek). Eph. 1:3 in Christ, as His child, I have ALL spiritual blessings in HIM! I can take off my heaviness, rest in my Lord and the simplicity of the GOSPEL!!!
I Pet. 3:18 "For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit;" The entire gospel in one verse. I need to SLOW DOWN, stop pursuing the American "dream" and live a life of gratitude. My life was designed to be a perpetual display of gratitude for God's love and mercy. Oh God, make me a display of your splendor!!!
1. "Be thankful"- Eucharistate (in the Greek). As a present and active verb this is to be linear, continual and intentional as opposed to a one time action of gratitude. So we were reminded that EVERY time we share the eucharist (or Lord's meal) we are sharing a Thanksgiving meal together as a family of God. The application question here...Am I intentional about gratitude???
2. "In every circumstance"- En Panti (Greek). Everything...ALL things (check out Rom. 8:28 and II Cor. 1). Application-we CAN be thankful in all circumstances. No pain or hurt is wasted IF given to God to redeem.
3. "for this is the will of God"- Thelema Theou (Greek). This is the actual desire of God. God has deep desires for His children. Living a life of complete gratitude is God's desire/plan for us.
4. "for those who belong to Christ"- En Kristo (Greek). Eph. 1:3 in Christ, as His child, I have ALL spiritual blessings in HIM! I can take off my heaviness, rest in my Lord and the simplicity of the GOSPEL!!!
I Pet. 3:18 "For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit;" The entire gospel in one verse. I need to SLOW DOWN, stop pursuing the American "dream" and live a life of gratitude. My life was designed to be a perpetual display of gratitude for God's love and mercy. Oh God, make me a display of your splendor!!!
Monday, November 12, 2012
Practice makes.....
I'm not going to be perfect. However, I am redeemed. The beautiful mess of my life has been atoned for by the blood of Jesus Christ and I'm ever so grateful.
Day 11: Hebrews 12:28-29 today, "Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our 'God is a consuming fire.'" A kingdom that cannot be shaken. Oh what a great reminder for my heart today. I still struggle with the fact that my world, this world feels, seems IS so out of control. I personally was NOT pleased with the results of last week's election. But God's kingdom is unshakable. My God is a consuming fire and He will take care of me and He will consume all those that are against Him. I KNOW the end of the story and I know that God WINS! So today I will take heart in that and cultivate gratitude.
Day 11: Hebrews 12:28-29 today, "Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our 'God is a consuming fire.'" A kingdom that cannot be shaken. Oh what a great reminder for my heart today. I still struggle with the fact that my world, this world feels, seems IS so out of control. I personally was NOT pleased with the results of last week's election. But God's kingdom is unshakable. My God is a consuming fire and He will take care of me and He will consume all those that are against Him. I KNOW the end of the story and I know that God WINS! So today I will take heart in that and cultivate gratitude.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Manic Monday and Time-Out Tuesday
Yesterday was quite busy and I FINALLY went to the doc. I've been sick in some shape, form or fashion since late Sept/early Oct. A different antibiotic, an inhaler and a cough med. Bronchitis, the official diagnosis. I digress and share with you SWEET BROWN
Ok. Now that we've all chuckled let's get on to the gratitude. No I must confess that yesterday AND today are certainly acts of sacrificial gratitude. I'm in a FOUL mood. I can't find anything good with anyone or any thing. I'm sick, grumpy and feeling sorry for myself. Unappreciated, unloved and generally bah-humbuggish.
GET OVER YOURSELF JANELLE ;-)
Day 5: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
Anxious about anything....God does that mean my illness? YES! What about Joseph's autism? YES!!! Finances? Uh-huh!!! My marriage and children? YES I think I was clear! What the future holds? YES JANELLE!!! O.K. Lord, this day I will celebrate and take a moment to be grateful that in any and every situation I can rest in God's Sovereignty and trust Him that His plan will prevail. When it doesn't feel good, sound good, look good, it IS for MY good and His glory. I am grateful that I can take all of my requests, petitions and needs to God in prayer WITH a thankful heart. I'm glad that the Lord continues to lovingly mold my heart into one of gracious thankfulness and not self-serving motives. This day I'm so glad that God's perfect love casts out all fear and I don't have to be anxious.
Day 6: "Let us come before Him with thanksgiving and extol Him with music and song. For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods." Psalm 95:2-3
You are the GREAT God. The King above all gods. That's good news on TODAY...election day. Today I'm grateful to be an American, and to have the right to vote and make my choice. More importantly I'm so glad that I'm a dual citizen and my lasting residence is in HEAVEN. God is my King and I am so grateful for THAT!!!
Ok. Now that we've all chuckled let's get on to the gratitude. No I must confess that yesterday AND today are certainly acts of sacrificial gratitude. I'm in a FOUL mood. I can't find anything good with anyone or any thing. I'm sick, grumpy and feeling sorry for myself. Unappreciated, unloved and generally bah-humbuggish.
GET OVER YOURSELF JANELLE ;-)
Day 5: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
Anxious about anything....God does that mean my illness? YES! What about Joseph's autism? YES!!! Finances? Uh-huh!!! My marriage and children? YES I think I was clear! What the future holds? YES JANELLE!!! O.K. Lord, this day I will celebrate and take a moment to be grateful that in any and every situation I can rest in God's Sovereignty and trust Him that His plan will prevail. When it doesn't feel good, sound good, look good, it IS for MY good and His glory. I am grateful that I can take all of my requests, petitions and needs to God in prayer WITH a thankful heart. I'm glad that the Lord continues to lovingly mold my heart into one of gracious thankfulness and not self-serving motives. This day I'm so glad that God's perfect love casts out all fear and I don't have to be anxious.
Day 6: "Let us come before Him with thanksgiving and extol Him with music and song. For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods." Psalm 95:2-3
You are the GREAT God. The King above all gods. That's good news on TODAY...election day. Today I'm grateful to be an American, and to have the right to vote and make my choice. More importantly I'm so glad that I'm a dual citizen and my lasting residence is in HEAVEN. God is my King and I am so grateful for THAT!!!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
For This I Am Grateful
Day 4: "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:17
Whatever I do....today I'm grateful for whatever I do and that is being a wife and mother. I am so thankful that God has called me to the high privilege of being a wife and mother. There are days I shake my fist at Him and ask...why. Why five kids? Why two sets of twins? Why a husband that struggles with depression and anxiety? Why does Joseph have autism? It is a lot on my plate, but I'm grateful. Loving these children is making me more like Him. Staying with Nathan through better or worse is causing me to love like Christ. These trials grow me, mold me, change me, break me and purify me and for THAT I'm EVER so grateful.
Whatever I do....today I'm grateful for whatever I do and that is being a wife and mother. I am so thankful that God has called me to the high privilege of being a wife and mother. There are days I shake my fist at Him and ask...why. Why five kids? Why two sets of twins? Why a husband that struggles with depression and anxiety? Why does Joseph have autism? It is a lot on my plate, but I'm grateful. Loving these children is making me more like Him. Staying with Nathan through better or worse is causing me to love like Christ. These trials grow me, mold me, change me, break me and purify me and for THAT I'm EVER so grateful.
Monday, March 19, 2012
So Much to be Thankful for
So today I am grateful for my birthday. 36 years of life I've been blessed with and so excited for another year. This year I want to experience an abundant life as described in John 10:10. This is going to be a year to dream, change, grow and become. A chance to learn, embrace, release and discern. 37 is going to be an opportunity to lose and win, to commit, forgive and be forgiven, and laugh, love and LIVE!!!
My sweet LIFE group celebrated all of the March birthdays last night by having a cookout. After a nice walk/jog/hike in Montreat I was greeted by the laughter and sounds of fellowship. Literally at times my LIFE group has been my lifeline. Sharing things with them over the last few months and years has been a joy. Jan made a red velvet cake. Yes I did have a little piece and a cup of coffee. It was wonderful. I think one of the most liberating things along this journey is to know that food doesn't control me. I control it!!! I can CHOOSE whether or not to eat something. That is a great feeling.
So I'm going to be surrounded by food today. A birthday lunch, more cake (which tonight I will say "no" to) and of course dinner. Today my choices might be a little harder, but that's ok. I know if I stop, think, pray and ask for help I can make the RIGHT decision. This is empowering. Now I don't always get this right, but I make more right choices than wrong choices these days. For THAT I'm so grateful.
I'm at another stand still in my weight loss. I keep going from 62-65 pounds down and back up and back down. I've got to kick it up on the cardio and figure out what's going on food wise. I'm praying for revelation and motivation to make it through these next few pounds. I am nine pounds from the goal I had set for myself for this day. I'm not gonna give up though, I'm just gonna work HARDER!!!
Also, I'm so thankful for my family. My sister in law Nathalie was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. She has had the tumor removed, her lymph nodes were clean, but she starts chemo very soon. Praise God for early detection and a positive prognosis. On May 12th prayerfully a large portion of our family will be participating in a 5K walk/run alongside Nathalie. I think the older three kids are going to walk with her. I think Tammy and myself will be jogging and Philip as well (although I'm sure I'll eat his dust). It's gonna be a lot of fun and a gift that Nathalie will be healthy enough to do this event. That's one of the best birthday gifts I could EVER have received.
Ok. Enough of this. I've got to get ready for lunch. Have a GREAT day!
My sweet LIFE group celebrated all of the March birthdays last night by having a cookout. After a nice walk/jog/hike in Montreat I was greeted by the laughter and sounds of fellowship. Literally at times my LIFE group has been my lifeline. Sharing things with them over the last few months and years has been a joy. Jan made a red velvet cake. Yes I did have a little piece and a cup of coffee. It was wonderful. I think one of the most liberating things along this journey is to know that food doesn't control me. I control it!!! I can CHOOSE whether or not to eat something. That is a great feeling.
So I'm going to be surrounded by food today. A birthday lunch, more cake (which tonight I will say "no" to) and of course dinner. Today my choices might be a little harder, but that's ok. I know if I stop, think, pray and ask for help I can make the RIGHT decision. This is empowering. Now I don't always get this right, but I make more right choices than wrong choices these days. For THAT I'm so grateful.
I'm at another stand still in my weight loss. I keep going from 62-65 pounds down and back up and back down. I've got to kick it up on the cardio and figure out what's going on food wise. I'm praying for revelation and motivation to make it through these next few pounds. I am nine pounds from the goal I had set for myself for this day. I'm not gonna give up though, I'm just gonna work HARDER!!!
Also, I'm so thankful for my family. My sister in law Nathalie was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. She has had the tumor removed, her lymph nodes were clean, but she starts chemo very soon. Praise God for early detection and a positive prognosis. On May 12th prayerfully a large portion of our family will be participating in a 5K walk/run alongside Nathalie. I think the older three kids are going to walk with her. I think Tammy and myself will be jogging and Philip as well (although I'm sure I'll eat his dust). It's gonna be a lot of fun and a gift that Nathalie will be healthy enough to do this event. That's one of the best birthday gifts I could EVER have received.
Ok. Enough of this. I've got to get ready for lunch. Have a GREAT day!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
With Deep Gratitude
I am so grateful. My life is full of blessings. They look much differently than I expect them to some times, but they are blessings. There are people and things that are no longer in my life and it took my a long time to see that as a blessing/gift, but I am coming to realize that even the short time I was blessed was enough. My relationship with Christ is MORE than enough. Unmet expectations have less and less hold on me and I am learning to release daily my need to be needed and my desire to control people and situations. I am thankful that I am learning that not everyone is going to like me or want to be my friend (hard to believe isn't it...hahaha?) and that I can't create peace in the midst of chaos. I can't judge others, I can't even judge myself and it is so good to be free from that compulsion. I am filled with gratitude and my heart is lighter than ever. I see challenges as exciting and my to do lists are becoming more balanced. Hope is renewed. Expectations of myself and others are changing and my dependence upon the Lord is increasing more everyday. My heart longs for it's real home. Daily I am reminded that this world is not my home. I yearn to live in God's intended purpose for my life and I am searching for the abundant life He has for me. I am GRATEFUL, blessed beyond measure and forever humbled by God's love, mercy and saving grace. Happy Thanksgiving and blessings to you all during this holiday season.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Being Grateful for Where/Who You Are
Ok. I've had a ROTTEN attitude lately. I've been negative, resentful and downright moody. Depression has been a gray cloud over me the last few weeks and months. I have literally come to the end of myself. It's been humbling and overwhelming. I have been forced to really stop and take a look at who I am, WHERE I am and what I have in my possession to use/honor/take care of in my life.
A friend of mine lovingly reminded me that fighting with where I am in life is going to make things difficult (thanks Jennifer). She also reminded me that God's will is perfect and I should just REST in the arms of my Savior. Sounds easier than it is (at least for me). I mean I had approximately 32 weeks to grasp the concept that I was going to be the mother of five children. James and Jonathan have been with us for almost one year!!! WOW how time flies. Joseph has had a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder since he was four years old. Nathan and I have been married for 15 years. See how things should have settled into place by now? Well I tell you honestly I HAVE NOT settled into my life. I have been waiting for something different. I have been expecting something else. I have been resentful and ungrateful. I have taken my life, my family, my relationships, my God for granted.
I have repented and asked God to forgive me. I am making a serious effort to travel a new path toward health, wholeness and freedom (see my other blog at http://www.flintfat2fitbyfaith.blogspot.com/). I am working on my "attitude of gratitude" and trying to live simply and honestly.
So.....HERE I AM
1. Child of God-I should spend more time with Him and in His Word, but I am so blessed to know that my eternal life AND my true identity rest SAFELY in His arms.
2. Wife- Nathan Roy Flint is my beloved. He is my best friend, confidante, supporter, lover, husband, provider, and father to my AMAZING five children.
3. Daughter- James and Brenda Morgan have loved me for 35 years now in the best and only way they have known. I have been so blessed to have them as my parents. They have been supportive, trusting, encouraging, helpful and fun. They brought me to Christ by their loving, godly example. I will be forever grateful for them.
4. Sister- Greg, Philip and Tyler love me unconditionally. They are funny, smart, handsome and loving. I am glad to be their sister.
5. Friend- Over the course of my life I have been fortunate to have made some dear friends. These people have carried me through some difficult times. I am blessed to still have most of these people in my life. I am sad to have lost the friendship of some, but for those who have stuck around I will be forever grateful.
6. Mother- I have five kids. Yes five. I have a child with autism. I have two sets of twins. I am overwhelmed most days. They are all different. They are all wonderful. Yes I'm busy. Life will never be what I imagined or thought it would be, BUT it can be BETTER. I think this has been the hardest part of my life to reconcile. Even though I wanted to and have chosen to be a SAHM I struggle with this the most. I don't feel as if I am a good enough mother. I am not a good enough house maker/housekeeper. I feel as if I am doing my kids a disservice by homeschooling them. Notice these last statements had I, I, I. Noticed they were based on feelings. Other people have been very supportive and honest about my kids, my house, my life. I am still working on seeing my "mother" side through God's eyes. I am blessed, just a little confused sometimes :-)
7. Overweight-Ok here I go again being honest. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to tell me that. I have been fat most of my life. However, I don't want to be fat anymore. Yes I've said that before. Yes I've tried to and successfully lost weight in the past. This time is different though. I WILL succeed with God's help and the accountability of my friends and family. I am taking responsibility for and ownership for my actions/behaviors. I am taking responsibility for MAKING changes.
8. Musician-I am able to play the piano fairly well. I can play the flute and I am able to sing. Granted I need to practice ALL of these instruments more, but to have the ability to sing/play is something I am TRULY thankful for daily.
9. A Woman-This is something I am rediscovering. Sounds silly I know, but because of my weight issues and insecurity I have not wanted to really be aware of my femininity. I am learning that it IS ok for me to own nice things and to wear them. I am learning that sweat pants year round aren't very attractive (hahahahaha). I am learning that really clothes that fit are MUCH more flattering. I am learning that modest and fashionable CAN happen simultaneously and I shouldn't wait to be "girly" until I've lost all my weight/reached certain goals.
10. A Life Long Learner- I have LOTS to learn and I want to do so. I want to learn about healthy eating. I want to train to run a 5K. I want to learn more in all subject areas that I teach to the children. I want to intensely study God's Word and memorize it. I want to take a cooking class. A sewing class would be fun. Learning another language would be rewarding. I am ABLE to learn and I don't want to take it for granted ANY longer.
Well I know this post has been long, but its been for me. Thanks as always for stopping by and leaving me some encouragement.
Gratefully yours,
Janelle LeAnne Morgan Flint
Thursday, November 26, 2009
"Thankful Fors...."
We started this several years ago. I believe it was when Jesse and JoyAnn were two or three (maybe earlier). Every night as a part of our "bedtime checklist" we have either "family bed" or "family couch". This is where every person in the family has a chance to say whatever they would like to say UNINTERUPPTED. Sometimes it's what they liked or disliked about the day. Joseph usually tells us a story. Sometimes we all take turns making up a story. There usually is tickling involved and laughter. It is a precious time and I am grateful for it. I wonder how it will work when we have five little ones participating...:-)
Before Daddy blesses us for the night there is a round of "thankful fors". This is where each person in the family states what they are thankful for at that moment. For MANY months Joseph only said "drums and guitars". Now he really gets the concept and I am so proud of him. Often we hear repetative things, but sometimes there is something new. Sometimes they are silly. Sometimes serious. Sometimes both. However, I am praying that we are cultivating a spirit of thankfulness in our kids. An attitude of gratitude.
Today is an ENTIRE day devoted to "thankful fors". I could list so many. What a year it's been. Sometimes my heart is too full to even share my gratitude and my appreciation just spills out in the form of tears. Whatever you might be grateful for today...savor it. Tell those around you how much you love and appreciate them. Tell the Lord how blessed you are by His provision in your life. Write a list and save it for the days when you are feeling forgotten and forsaken. Share your "thankful fors" around the table. Be grateful. Be thankful. Be changed by a spirit of gratitude!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving,
Janelle
Before Daddy blesses us for the night there is a round of "thankful fors". This is where each person in the family states what they are thankful for at that moment. For MANY months Joseph only said "drums and guitars". Now he really gets the concept and I am so proud of him. Often we hear repetative things, but sometimes there is something new. Sometimes they are silly. Sometimes serious. Sometimes both. However, I am praying that we are cultivating a spirit of thankfulness in our kids. An attitude of gratitude.
Today is an ENTIRE day devoted to "thankful fors". I could list so many. What a year it's been. Sometimes my heart is too full to even share my gratitude and my appreciation just spills out in the form of tears. Whatever you might be grateful for today...savor it. Tell those around you how much you love and appreciate them. Tell the Lord how blessed you are by His provision in your life. Write a list and save it for the days when you are feeling forgotten and forsaken. Share your "thankful fors" around the table. Be grateful. Be thankful. Be changed by a spirit of gratitude!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving,
Janelle
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