Saturday, January 10, 2009

Out of Hiding

I'm tired of hiding behind all of this excess "baggage". How can a fat person hide? Physically it isn't possible but emotionally it's easy really. If you like me even though I'm fat then I guess I can really let you inside my life. Isn't that a warped way of thinking? I also hide behind my smile, sarcasm and dry sense of humor. My charisma and personality take me pretty far and cover up a lot of pain and suffering.

However, I'm tired of "hiding" behind all of this. Being fat isn't easy. Being fat isn't fun. It certainly isn't healthy. I have to do something. I have to do it now. It's overwhelming really. I'm not quite sure where to start but I must.

I will try and blog about my progress. I have lost weight in the past. I have been successful and I am expectant that this attempt will be no different. Except, maybe I'll complete my goal this time!!! YAY!!!

Well, here's to a new chapter of my life. Here's to coming out of denial. I am a compulsive eater. I struggle with issues of pride, low self-esteem, and co-dependency. I also want to control my life and everyone else's while I am at it. And while all this confession is taking place I will admit the biggest one of all people pleasing and approval addiction. Isn't that ironic that a people pleaser would be fat? Wouldn't you think I would be so worried about what people thought of me that I would be thin and fashionable? I guess it's weird how the psyche works.

So pray for me as I embark on a journey to health, wellness, weight loss and discovery of my poverty of spirit (Matthew 5:3).

1 comment:

Sarah said...

i'm praying for you :) i struggle with a lot of the same things. i miss you & love you!