Fuzzy-Headed

For anyone who might read this meager rambling of my mind, soul and spirit...please pray for me. I am so fuzzy-headed right now. I am completely overwhelmed. I feel tired at the deepest level of who I am. I desperately need to hear from God. I need a clear, simple Word. I need the TRUTH!

Thanks...

Janelle

Hang in there...

So right now my head is spinning, and I can't put together a coherent thought. Nathan was laid off yesterday. His last day at the Cove will be March 20th. Would you pray for the Flint family? I'll post more later, but until then I am resting in knowing "And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope." I serve a BIG GOD, and He is about to show Himself to me in a mighty way!

This is what I want my life to be...."A Living Prayer"

Amends...

a⋅mend - /əˈmɛnd/-uh-mend]
–verb (used with object) 1. to alter, modify, rephrase, or add to or subtract from (a motion, bill, constitution, etc.) by formal procedure: Congress may amend the proposed tax bill.
2. to change for the better; improve: to amend one's ways.
3. to remove or correct faults in; rectify.
–verb (used without object) 4. to grow or become better by reforming oneself: He amends day by day.

Today I made an amend with a dear friend of mine. I haven't heard back from this person, but regardless of the reaction I know I did what I was called to do in this situation.

Steps 8 and 9 in Celebrate Recovery deal directly with amends. Step 8 is "We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all." Step 9 is as follows "We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." I have spent almost 4 years in recovery. I have been able to make amends with many people in my life. It is freeing. Sometimes though it is not possible as mentioned in step 9. Today was an effort to have a willing heart, to take that first step, to humble myself and let this person know I forgive AND desire to BE FORGIVEN.

Keep praying for me as I walk this journey of recovery. It is the most difficult thing I've ever done (besides marriage...lol). However, it has been and will continue to be rewarding and freeing!!!

I love the last definition of amends...to grow or become better by reforming oneself. I am working to make these amends everyday. I am striving to become the woman God created me to be. You know one of the relationships that I have had trouble "mending" in the last few years is the one with MYSELF. I am still learning who I am, and learning to be comfortable in my own skin. Life isn't easy, but it IS an adventure, huh????

Here's to a life of amends. It has been said that "love is never having to say you're sorry." I TOTALLY disagree. In my humble opinion love is being willing AND able to admit your fault and ask for forgiveness on a daily basis. Love is being open, honest and vulnerable enough to say I BLEW IT!!!

Have a great weekend.

Janelle

Letting Go

Today I physically let go of some stuff that I had held onto for entirely too long.

I realized that holding onto these things acutally had been making me quite sad.

It felt good.

I'm ready to be free!

Not to mention we were out of fire wood so the extra stuff to burn was quite fun!!!

Have a good evening...

Janelle

Not Forgotten

Today is one of those days...

I am struggling today with feeling lonely and discouraged.
The truth though is "I am NOT forgotten". Hebrews 13:5 says "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

This is Israel and New Breed singing "I Am Not Forgotten" on BET. This is a condensed version, but you will get the point.

Blessings to you all today.

Janelle

Tug-o-War

Do you remember playing tug of war as children in elementary school?

I often wondered why we played that game? It wasn't about fair team competition. It was about winning. It was about fighting. It was about conquering. However, oddly enough the best way to win was for everyone on one side to LET GO of the rope.

I am at a point in my life where I need to LET GO of the rope. My life is unmanageable. God and I have been tugging about some areas in my life. I need to just let the rope go! Not so God will fall on his butt (ha!ha!) but so I can be free from striving and able to grab the LIFE rope that God has thrown me!

I made a list last night of all the things that I liked about myself in high school/college. I made a list of the things I like about myself now. I made a list of the things I don't like about myself now. Things I'm still tugging with and things I'm ready to let go of so I can MOVE ON!!! I think this rope burn needs to heal!!! This woman is TIRED! I'm tired of tugging...

I can see myself relfected in my children. My oldest struggles with holding onto the rope too tightly as well. I often think how silly Joseph is being, but then I realize he is a lot like me! Joseph doesn't realize that he would be so much better off if he would just stop struggling. Yet, watching him makes me think of how I strive and struggle with God. Parents really do know best most of the time! God is the ultimate parent! He knows what's best for me and ALL of his kids ALL of the time.

Pray for me and for my son that we will learn the lessons God has for us. That we would enjoy life. That we would enjoy EACH OTHER! That we would stop playing this silly game of tug-of-war!!!

Have a blessed day!