So, I usually write about "happy" things. I write about life and my ups and downs but I try not to get too bogged down in the "downs". However, today I must write about what I am going through. More accurately, what our FAMILY is going through.
Nathan has been suffering from severe, debilitating depression since late February/ early March of 2006. I won't go into the cause of the depression. That isn't necessarily for public eyes. However, I can tell you that it wasn't just one episode that spurred it on for him. It was a lifetime of hurts, disappointments that happened to be drawn to the surface by a particular hurt from a particular individual.
Needless to say, Nathan has not recovered. This tailspin, this downward spiral has been dramatic, traumatic, and completely devestating. Our entire family is affected. The children know that daddy doesn't feel well. He usually is in bed. He can't come places with us. He seems sad. I know that my husband is emotionally unavailable, and probably going to go yet another day without engaging in life, much less engaging me in conversation.
It's awful, it's sad, it's horrible....for NATHAN, for us, for all who love us. I am angry. I am sad. I am hurt. I am lost, and so is NATHAN, our kids and our friends. I am resentful. I want my husband back. I want my best friend back. I want my lover back. I want him to be whole, healed and at peace with God, others and most importanly HIMSELF.
If you are reading this and you believe in God and prayer. Pray for Nathan. Pray for me. Pray for our family and for anyone struggling with depression.