Saturday, February 16, 2008

A State of Being

For as long as I can remember I've been something....

~Jim and Brenda's daughter...

~Philip or Greg's sister

~The flute player

~Drum Major

~A wife

~A mother

~The singer

~The choir director

~The praise and worship leader

~The one who makes everyone laugh

You see the point....It's always that I've been something. Now I'm certainly NOT implying that this is an outside expectation solely. I know that I have become defined by WHAT I am instead of WHO I am. It's a trap that us people pleasers fall into quite often. However, this train HAS to stop. If it doesn't stop here I'm afraid it's going to crash. So, I'm goint to stop being something and just start BEING! What is that going to look like? I'm not sure. What is that going to feel like? I really don't know, but I just want to be Janelle. I just want to relax. I want to live life instead of just letting life happen TO me or around me. I want to engage mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically in the process, the journey of life.

This means embracing the reality of who I am, who I was and who I might become. It also means embracing the reality of who I'll NEVER be and coming to grips with that. Reality also means knowing that my situation cannot change instantly and making plans for changes. It means a paradigm shift in almost all areas of my life. My thinking, my eating, my activity level, our financial picture....and other things.

So, here's to a new day. A new opportunity. I praise God that "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)


Anonymous said...

It's interesting to read about how you feel that you have become defined by WHAT you are instead of WHO you are. Is it possible that never the twain shall meet? In being a mother - that's what you are and it's also who you are.....

Janelle said...

I guess what I was saying is that BEFORE I was a mother I was a wife and before I was a wife I was a all comes back to me to just being a woman. Just being who God created me to be.

The other things such as being a daughter, wife, mother, friend, etc. are a GIFT. I want that to be part of who I am but I don't want to be imprisioned by any of those roles. Sometimes I feel trapped by my life.

Thanks though for the thought. It has caused me to meditate some more and pray about who I am and who I am becoming. Thanks for reading my blog!

Anonymous said...

Hi Janelle,

I enjoy reading your blog entries and your attempts to be closer to GOD. Yes, all of us, maybe not all of us do feel trapped by life sometimes. But guess that's what makes our life interesting. I'll try and read your more recent postings but I think by the looks of it, things are beginning to get better for you. Well, Spring is here already even tho' we still have cold weather.