Unsettled and Undone

The prophet Isaiah said in Chapter 6 verse 4 "Woe is me, for I am ruined!" I can relate. Lately I have been experiencing a holy unsettling. A time of correction, rebuke, and challenge from the Word and from other books that I've been reading. I have been studying the Sermon on the Mount again in Kay Arthur's "Lord I'm Torn Between Two Masters". Coming face to face with unconfessed sins in my life isn't easy. Meditating on any practices repeated patterns that might separate me from God is a difficult and humbling process. I praise God for the assurance of salvation and the reminder of the power of GRACE!. I have been delivered from so much and I have so much gratitude within my heart. Being holy isn't possible within my own power but living a life that is pleasing to God is COMPLETELY possible through Jesus Christ.

Also there have been some authors that have deeply touched me lately. This was a post on the blog of author/speaker Lysa TerKeurst from 2009. I first came across it in her book "Made to Crave" and I tell it almost "did me in".

Unsettle me.

These are the two words rattling about in my brain today. I almost wish it was a more glamorous prayer. Surely more eloquent words could be found for what I’m feeling led to pursue during this new year.
But these are the words- this is the prayer for my 2009.
The funny thing is I’ve spent my whole existence trying to find a place to settle down. People to settle down with. And a spirit about me worthy of all this settled down-ness.
All of this is good. A contented heart, thankful for its blessings is a good way to settle.
But there are areas of my life that have also settled that mock my desires to be godly woman. Compromises if you will.

Attitudes that I’ve wrapped in the lie, “Well, that’s just how I am. And if that’s all the bad that’s in me, I’m doing pretty good.”
I dare you, dear soul of mine, to notice the stark evidence of a spirit that is tainted and a heart that must be placed under the microscope of God’s word.
Yes, indeed, unsettle me Lord.
Unearth that remnant of unforgiveness.
Shake loose that justification for compromise.
Reveal that broken shard of pride.
Expose that tendency to distrust.
Unsettle me in the best kind of way. For when I allow your touch to reach the deepest parts of me- dark and dingy and hidden away too long- suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul.
I can delight in forgiveness and love more deeply.
I can discover my gentle responses and find softer ways for my words to land.
I can recognize the beauty of humility and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes.
I can rest assured though harsh winds blow, I will be held.
Goodbye to my remnants, my justification, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am- nor who I was created to be.

Goodbye to shallow love, sharp words, self focus, and suspicious fears. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or distructions.

Welcome deeper love, softer words, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty I am held.

Welcome my unsettled heart.

Welcome 2009.

This is my second reading of Lysa's book and I didn't read the chapter that included this entry on my first time through. I was reading this while in the tub (about the only quiet place I have these days) and I was crying so hard I almost dropped the book.

Jen Hatmaker is another author that seems to have a private portal into my thoughts. I am currently on my second reading of "7:An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess". Oh my stars. WOW! Hello there 2X4 upside the head. I've been struggling for quite sometime about the excess in my personal life and in the life of my family. After reading this book I've been inspired, challenged and encouraged. I'm praying about how God would have me become more aware of His presence and ways to eliminate excess and the trite that might stand in the way of my Heavenly calling. It's relationship. It's service. It's obedience. It's holiness. It's integrity. It's transparency. It's humility. I'm being called to pursue these things and not the next great recipe, clothing style, gadget, trinket, opportunity, experience, home school curriculum, ministry, etc.

Loving God, loving people. That pretty much sums it up for me.

I'm an undone woman. I'll never be the same and the beautiful thing is that I don't want to be that "old" woman EVER again. I'm through with "Egypt". I'm turning North and I'm on the move to the promised land. Thank you Holy Spirit for your loving, gentle, yet persistent agitations. I am grateful to be undone and done with this world!!!

A State of Being

For as long as I can remember I've been something....

~Jim and Brenda's daughter...

~Philip or Greg's sister

~The flute player

~Drum Major

~A wife

~A mother

~The singer

~The choir director

~The praise and worship leader

~The one who makes everyone laugh

You see the point....It's always that I've been something. Now I'm certainly NOT implying that this is an outside expectation solely. I know that I have become defined by WHAT I am instead of WHO I am. It's a trap that us people pleasers fall into quite often. However, this train HAS to stop. If it doesn't stop here I'm afraid it's going to crash. So, I'm goint to stop being something and just start BEING! What is that going to look like? I'm not sure. What is that going to feel like? I really don't know, but I just want to be Janelle. I just want to relax. I want to live life instead of just letting life happen TO me or around me. I want to engage mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically in the process, the journey of life.

This means embracing the reality of who I am, who I was and who I might become. It also means embracing the reality of who I'll NEVER be and coming to grips with that. Reality also means knowing that my situation cannot change instantly and making plans for changes. It means a paradigm shift in almost all areas of my life. My thinking, my eating, my activity level, our financial picture....and other things.

So, here's to a new day. A new opportunity. I praise God that "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

A Fork in the Road

When you come to a fork in the road which path will you take? Both roads look promising, yet both are unknown. Where will you end up? How will you get there? Will the destination be what you dreamed?

I am choosing a path in my life right now. I am choosing to love Nathan and stay married to him (even though it ISN'T easy). I am choosing to be a stay at home mom. I am choosing to work on my recovery of hurts, habits and hangups from the past. I am choosing to learn to love those in my life unconditionally while sharing my opinions. I am working on boundaries. I am choosing a path.

Is it the right one? Will I be pleased? Is this the easier road? Who knows really, except the Lord. There are things I would like to address while traveling this new journey, this new path. But overall, today's an "up" day!

Why am I writing this? Well, Nathan and I have been having a HARD time recently. Some choices HAD to be made. Should I go back to work? Should Nathan quit his job at the Cove (which he did..see previous blog)? Should we put the kids in preschool/school? What's going to happen with our marriage? Is this all really worth it? What will happen with Joseph? So through prayer and discussion choices have been made. I am working at loving Nathan. I am committed to spending time with him before he leaves on August 18th. I am choosing to love him and look for the good in him, while trying my best to forget the negatives. I am trying to look for the hope in Joseph's situation. I am doing my best with the house but realeasing the fact that it will never be as clean as I wish (at least not for YEARS)! I am praying to be fulfilled with what I have and learn true contentment. I am praying...that's the key. Lamentations 3:40 "Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the Lord"

That's the key, back to basics. The road (whichever one you choose) will be easier traveled with prayer. I am going back to what I know. A relationship with the Lord. He is making the rest clear as hand in hand we walk the crooked path I've chosen. The beautiful part of it all though is it's really the path HE'S chosen. My God is a sovereign God! Everything that happens to me has been "father-filtered". I am so blessed in resting in his majesty, his grace, his love and his SOVEREIGNTY!!! To quote Dr. Billy Graham "It's about time that we are putting less confindence in ourselves and more trust and faith in God". It seems as though when I truly examine myself all I see is myself. I should be seeing more of God then me! Oh I long for the day when the "beautiful stuff" within my cup is more him then just my "good deeds".

Forks in the road really aren't obstacles. They really aren't tests. They are merely opportunities to draw you closer to the one who made you! Thank you Lord for my fork in the road!

"Are We There Yet?"

When I was a kid we traveled quite frequently. We moved often as a military family. This "question" was asked by myself and my older brothers quite often. I find myself still asking that question but this time it's to God and not my parents!!! "God am I there yet?" This journey I'm on of discovery, recovery and approaching wholeness and freedom in You ISN'T easy. Facing myself and taking responsibility for my actions is the hardest thing I've ever done. I must also accept and offer forgiveness for situations I thought were over. Denial has a nice way of making us feel comfortable doesn't it?

Celebrate Recovery, that's the name of the ministry that Nathan and I have been participating in for two years. It is a program developed by John Baker and Rick Warren (the author of the Purpose Driven Life). This program has been successful at Saddleback Community Church in California for 10+ years. It is now worldwide!!! This program is based on the 12 steps (as in AA/NA, etc.) and the 8 recovery principles (the beatitudes). It is an amazing thing and I'm so grateful I am a participant! Check out http://celebraterecovery.com/ if interested.


This program invloves setting boundaries with my family, my parents, my husband, and my friends. The 12 steps also involve giving and receiving forgiveness, learning to see myself as God sees me, accepting my past and moving on with my life. All of these are things I'm working on right now! It's tough and I'm ready to be there God! You know the exciting thing is I know what's coming! Being with you in heaven will be the greatest gift of all! I want to be there! Keep being patient with me God as I keep trucking along on the "road to recovery".

So, NO I'm not there yet, but I am a little closer. I'm drawing nearer to the Lord everyday and am a little closer to freedom, to oneness, to being whole.

Life is a Highway!

So Joseph loves this song from "Cars". He just sings and sings it and it really is the cutest thing (well maybe besides Jesse and JoyAnn playing uncle Tyler's Wii)!!!

Well the Flint family is going to be making a move down the highway. We are ready for a change. God is definitely up to something in the Flint family. We've never even considered a changes until recently. We honestly have not even been open to what God has TRULY in mind for us. We have said we would go and do whatever He has determined for our family. Personally speaking that meant "within reason, or certain peramiters." What a selfish, sinful attitude to have had. How dare I presuppose what God's best is for me or my family.

So God is calling us to something new. An attitude change, a move of the heart, a surrendering of OUR plans. It's a good place to be right now, a little scary but a good place to be nonetheless.

Nathan will be giving notice at the Cove shortly and will be taking a position with Schneider National as a truck driver. What a change, what a SACRIFICE it will be for our family. Yet we firnly believe what Hebrews 10:23 says "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." God is faithful is leading us down a new highway. This isn't going to be easy. It isn't suposed to be easy. It is SACRIFICE.

Please pray for us as we journey through this together. Nathan will be starting his school on August the 18th in Charlotte, NC. He will be gone for 21 days then home for two. He will then start his 2 weeks on and two days home. This is what our schedule will be like for a year. WOW! Big changes for the Flints huh?

Thank you for your support. We will need it especially me and the kids. I don't do change. I don't do "alone" very well. Yes I am a selfish, co-dependent who needs people WAY too much. I am struggling but I will adjust. It will be good. It will be GREAT because it's GOD'S best for us. Even though I will be staying here in Black Mountain it will be a move for me. A stretch, a change, a journey.

So...here's to checking out the scenery.

Expectantly,

Janelle