Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Right now I am in a time of waiting. Waiting on God's next move. Nathan works his last day at the Cove tomorrow. We are not sad, angry or bitter about his layoff. We really see it as a gentle nudge from our Heavenly Father to move Nathan onto the next chapter of his life. However, up to this point there hasn't been anything concrete "pan out" for his (Nathan's) next move. So in the meantime we are going to enjoy being a family, spending sometime with daddy and just waiting on the Lord.
Waiting is hard for me. I don't like change, but if change is going to occur I really like to know the next step in the process. The unknown is hard for me to grasp.
It has often been said that "God is seldom early, but he is never LATE". I am finding this to be SOOOOOO true in my life. We are waiting to discover the outcomes of SO many different areas of our life. Some of these are trivial and some are very ominous. Yet, I hear the clock ticking inside my own soul. I struggle with anxiety. Oh how I wish I could synchronize my clock with God's. I wish I could just rest and relax in the waiting.
I have been praying lately for a heart that trusts. I think that is the core, basic issue. I don't trust that God will do what He says He will. I don't trust His timing is perfect. I don't trust that He is in control of EVERY detail of my life. It is sin, and I repent here before God and all of my friends. I desire to trust more completely, and to trust without any expectations.
I remember being a kid and waiting for something to happen. It wasn't anxiety I felt, but a sense of excitement so real that sometimes it made me sick. You know the feeling...the night before a big trip or a party. The butterflies in your stomach, the sweaty palms. It was shear excitement. What about making paper chains to count down the days until Christmas. Marking days off on the calendar. Knowing Spring break was right around the corner, or your grandparents were coming to visit. I want that kind of excitement back in my life. I want to wait with such expectancy on the Lord, that my heart leaps with joy to see WHATEVER He has planned for me. I desire to live completely in the moment. Not dwelling in the past, or looking to the future to be the "right" moment.
Pray for me and my family...in the waiting!!!