Tuesday, April 7, 2009

"My Shell"

Today is one of those days that I am struggling to come out my shell and stay there. I can feel fear knocking on my door. Even though it sounds odd being afraid is comfortable for me. It is a coping skill I have developed over the last eight years, and unfortunately worry and fear have become a part of my life. Over the last 4 years I have been addressing this fear and realizing that I don't have to give into fear. I do have other ways to cope!

I have honestly been doing REALLY well since Nathan's lay-off in February. We were given a month's notice. He stopped working on the 19th of March. We then were able to celebrate my birthday and the twin's birthday. That was fun. Then a trip to the beach that we were blessed with. Still smooth sailing. Ok so today I feel like I have finally awoken from my "dream". Nathan doesn't have a job. I only work part-time. We have three children. Bills due. A truck that needs repair (praise God Nathan is a mechanic). It's time to grocery shop. I could keep listing, but it makes me even more fearful.

I'm not going to give into the fear today. I just needed to talk about it, recognize it's presence and then dismiss it. Even though it's snowing today I'm gonna stay out of my shell. I'm gonna face today and whatever it has to offer. I'm going to realize that God is in control, and I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!

If you read this, please pray for me. Pray for our family. Thanks...


1 comment:

wendy said...

Girl, I will be offering up prayers all day for you! I think we may be related...I just got finished paying bills and I'm struggling with fear myself! Lol! I keep chanting..."Trust God! Trust God!" I know where you are coming from...I know that sometimes it's so hard to see the light through the darkness! I know that the world is scary and you feel all alone (can you tell I battle with this!? Lol!). But the awesome news is God is always with us, and will never forsake us. Now if we both can get a hold of this....and drive the spirit of fear and worry back to the depths of hell where it belongs! You know...on a personal and selfish note...I am typing this through my tears praising God that we can face this struggle together! We can encourage and support one another! I am so thankful for you Janelle! Not because you face hardships, not because you struggle with things...I would give anything for you not to have to endure this. But, because you allow me to be "real". I don't have to worry about being judged, made fun of, or put down. You are so brave! You inspire me!
Whether you know it or not...God used your post to bless me beyond words.
Now repeat after me...Trust God! Trust God! Trust God! Lol!