*Unnecessary Disclaimer*-This is MY blog. Yes it is readily available to whomever. No I'm NOT perfect, I'm NOT a saint and I'm NOT always happy, nice or sappy all the time. This is MY blog. If you don't want to be offended, hurt or other random emotion...feel free NOT to read this next post.
So last night I actually had a name to fill in the blank and it happened to be one that was readily familiar. One that had passed over my lips in much other uses most of my life....how sad is that?
Let me not be so naive or foolish to belive that I would be able to have friends, be a friend, keep a friend my entire life.
You call me "self righteous Christian"...you talk about me in quotes. You defame me, call me hurtful names, tell lies about me, TO me and betray me. You have broken your vows to MANY people including me. Trust is severed, confindences broken, hearts shredded. Kindness taken for granted? What do you know about kindness at this point?
You are right about one thing. This IS heartbreaking. All of it.
It isn't wasted time though. I told my daughter today how grateful I was to have had you in my life and I pray that she is able to have a friend such as you for even a brief moment in life. Yes I tell people things. It's called vulnerability, honesty, accountability. My family knows that I've been hurt. They pray for me and with me. Guess what??? My BEST FRIEND sent me flowers today. He loves me UNCONDITIONALLY. I am so blessed to have Nathan. I'm also blessed to have SO many friends in my life, but MOST IMPORTANTLY I'm blessed to have a relationship with Jesus.
You call this a cop-out. I call it security.
I will continue to pray for you. NOT that our relationship be reconciled. I honestly don't want to associate with you anymore, but I am praying for YOU. Bitterness destroys people. Also God's Word speaks to unforgivess. I WANT to be forgiven by my Father, so I MUST forgive you.
I WILL keep praying for you...for how long???? Until I hear your name and I no longer cry, wince, get angry, think bad things, drudge up old memories, belittle myself, cry, cry, cry....That might take until I'm in glory with Jesus. It's ok. Forgiveness is WORTH it!