Saturday, January 10, 2009

Today's Revelation

To some of you this might seem simplistic and almost foolish. To me it is profound, life chaging and revolutionary!!

NO ONE in my life needs me as much as I need them. Maybe my kids, but if I do a good job raising them one day they won't need me. What I'm saying is I am just now realizing how much of my emotional being is tied up in relationships. It's unhealthy. The one person I should have a relationship with, ME, is a stranger. I'm an alien in my own body and mind. I should be in relationship with GOD, MYSELF and then others. I have had this all out of order. Yet, there is hope.

I have spent the majority of my 33 years trying to please people and functioning in the realm of performing. I was pleased to know that they needed me for something. Whether it be to physically or emotionally provide for them (or both), I have lived to serve others. If I thought someone needed me, or I had done something to help someone become a better person I was complete. I struggle constantly with lonliness and rejection. This has taken its toll on me.

I want to love and be loved WITH NO STRINGS attached. I am completely ready to say that most of these feelings have been self-imposed. I am NOT blaming anyone. I am just coming out of denial.

4 comments:

Millie said...

Hey, well you know where I am right now, so this is what I am doing at this wee hour. After reading your post, my eyes took me to you Profile, I'm going to leave it to you to figure out, I'll help if you need me to, but re-read your post AND then read your profile.
I love you, no strings attached. I don't want anything, I don't need anything, I just love you. :)Millie

Janelle said...

Check out my profile now. I think I get what you meant. If not, I would love the "help". Thanks for reading my blog and encouraging me with your comments.

Millie said...

YES! Now we are learning who JANELLE is not who she is to everyone else first! Don't loose YOURSELF! That is what your post was about. Now YOU are you first! Much more balanced!! I remember that verse in a song that says, "you can't love others if you don't love yourself!" You got it.
Love Love this journey that we are on TOGETHER!

Wendy said...

I feel your pain my friend!! I think your pain is a lot of people's...but you have the courage to see it. God is working in our lives showing us new revelations about ourselves...it's exciting and scary at the same time! I am here for you! God Bless!