To some of you this might seem simplistic and almost foolish. To me it is profound, life chaging and revolutionary!!
NO ONE in my life needs me as much as I need them. Maybe my kids, but if I do a good job raising them one day they won't need me. What I'm saying is I am just now realizing how much of my emotional being is tied up in relationships. It's unhealthy. The one person I should have a relationship with, ME, is a stranger. I'm an alien in my own body and mind. I should be in relationship with GOD, MYSELF and then others. I have had this all out of order. Yet, there is hope.
I have spent the majority of my 33 years trying to please people and functioning in the realm of performing. I was pleased to know that they needed me for something. Whether it be to physically or emotionally provide for them (or both), I have lived to serve others. If I thought someone needed me, or I had done something to help someone become a better person I was complete. I struggle constantly with lonliness and rejection. This has taken its toll on me.
I want to love and be loved WITH NO STRINGS attached. I am completely ready to say that most of these feelings have been self-imposed. I am NOT blaming anyone. I am just coming out of denial.