So..today is one of those days where I wonder why I'm even here! I know that God has some purpose for me. No, I haven't finished the "Purpose Driven Life" (I'm embarassed to say), but I still know that God has some reason for me to be here! However, I just feel like I'm taking up space. Like I'm breathing someone elses air. What good am I doing? I'm not using the degree I will be paying for until I'm like 59!! I just clean up messes and stop fights all day. I don't even cook real meals. If it doesn't come out of a bag or a box you usually don't find it at my house!! .
Blah, blah, blah...I know what a WHINER. I have a good life. I am blessed to stay home with my kids. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me. I am blessed to still be married. I'm blessed to live in NC. So..what's your stinkin deal you ask? Who knows honestly... I just lately have been feeling like there is so much more I was meant to be in life. There seems to be so much more I could do, so much more I could be, so much more left undiscovered. I just want to live life to the fullest. Really I don't want to be rich, I don't want to be a princess. I don't want to be famous. I don't want to live in a castle or drive a really expensive car. I just want to ENJOY life. I want to live it to the fullest. I want to experience ALL that I was created to be, to have, to love, to live. Is that too much to ask?
Here is an old song from the 80's (go figure) by Mr. Mister. It has been recently remade by March Schultz and we have played it on 106.9 WMIT. Thought is was appropriate..
The wind blows hard against this mountainside.
Across the sea into my soul.
It reaches in to where I cannot hide.
Setting my feet upon the road.
My heart is old it holds my memories.
This heart it burns a gem like flame.
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine.
Is where I find myself again
Kyrie Eleison down the road that I must travel.
Kyrie Eleison through the darkness of the night.
Kyrie Eleison where I'm going will you follow?
Kyrie Eleison on a highway in the light.
When I was young I dreamed of growing old.
Of what my life would mean to me.
Would I have traveled down my chosen road?
Or only wish that I could be....
I don't wanna look back at my life and say..what was that. I don't wanna look back and say "I'm sorry God that I didn't do what you called me to do" or that "I ask you to forgive me for wasting my life".
So, how do you live in the moment? How do you embrace life for all that it is? So..here I stand..waiting