Friday, July 13, 2007

Pieces of My Heart

I was spurred on to blog after reading a post on a forum that I participate in for alumni of my high school. It dealt with an apology someone gave for an event that happened a year ago. It greatly affected (or is it effected I'm not good at grammar) both of them. The odd part to me was not the apology, nor even the way it was done. What struck me was the comment " you deserve the piece of my heart you still have". That got me to thinking...Who has pieces of my heart?

I guess what I'm trying to say is...if I've given pieces of my heart away to people then how much do I have left for God? For my husband? For my kids? For my friends? Is having a "divided heart" a good thing? Don't get me wrong. I think it's important to share openly, honestly, authentically with those you are in relationship with in this life. I'm not saying that you shouldn't invest yourself in a relationship. I guess what I'm saying careful whom you give your heart to and how much you invest in a relationship. (I'm preaching to myself. Mainly just thinking out loud).

I just want to be real, authentic and open with myself. I want to live in the moment. I want to give all that I am and all that I have to my Lord and to my love! I am blessed to have Nathan and my children. I am blessed to have the friends in my life that I have. I don't want to think about the coulda, shoulda, wouldas anymore. I want to leave those pieces of my heart (those gifts) where they belong. With those people. If I've given it away then it's not mine any longer, huh?

I don't regret sharing my heart with anyone. I just regret feeling like once I've shared a part of me, if that part is lost, it's really lost. Love is never really lost. If I have given myself in a genuine, real, authentic way then that love will never die. So, for those of you to whom I've shared myself. Thank you for receiving my gift. Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for loving me in return.

To those that I'm still giving my heart to...continue to be patient with me as I learn to love without abandon. I am learning to love without judgement and concern. I am learning how to love myself so I can love you better. Thanks for not dividing my heart but making it fuller, larger, better.

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